Cnotes Joke of the Day........Enjoy the day with a laugh !!

[FONT=&quot]A woman decides to have a facelift for her 50th birthday. She spends $5,000 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving she says to the clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]"About 32," is the reply. "Nope! I'm exactly 50," the woman says happily.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the very same question. The girl replies, "I guess about 29." The woman replies, "Nope I'm 50."[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]Now she's feeling really good about herself. She stops in a drug store on her way down the street. She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the clerk this burning question.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]The clerk responds, "Oh, I'd say 30." Again she proudly responds, "I am 50, but thank you!"[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question. He replies, "Lady, I'm 78 and my eye sight is going. Although, when I was young, there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then can I tell you EXACTLY how old you are."[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]They wait in silence on the empty street until curiosity gets the best of her.[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]She finally blurts out, "What the hell, go ahead."[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He slips both of his hands under her BRA and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each one of her... He gently pinches them as well. He pushes her assets together and rubs them against each other.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]After a couple of minutes of this, she says, "Okay, okay...How old am I?" He completes one last squeeze of her assets, removes his hands, and says. "Madam, you are 50."[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Stunned and amazed, the woman says, "That was incredible! How could you tell??"[/FONT]
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[FONT=&quot]"I was behind you in line at McDonald's."[/FONT]

Hahahaha

have a great day cnotes !

Thanks Penny..............Thankyou)(&

C/note.........enjoyed.........thank you.................indy

7/7 Thursday's Joke


Great story that will bring a chuckle to your soul....

The king wanted to go fishing. He called on the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there was no chance of rain in the coming days. So the king went fishing with his wife, the queen.

On the way he met a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the king the farmer said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace! In just a short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area". The king was polite and considerate, he replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and experienced professional. And besides, I pay him very high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him." So the king continued on his way.

However, a short time later a torrential rain fell from the sky. The King and Queen were totally soaked and their entourage chuckled upon seeing them in such a shameful condition.
Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the professional. Then he summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role of royal forecaster. The farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."

So the king hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in the government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.
The practice is unbroken to this date and the democrat symbol was born!

Awesome!

That last paragraph is great. I'm watching the FBI Director TESTIMONY live, and your joke resonates in multiple levels!

Well done!

~Derty D~

Here you go!

2 women are talking and 1 comments to the other.
Your skin looks great what is your secret?
The 1st lady says I take milk baths and it really helps my skin. You ought to try it.
So the 2nd lady say I will and goes home.
She calls the grocery store when she gets home and tells the manager I need 50 gallons of milk.
The manager asks what do you need 50 gallons of milk for?
The lady tells him I plan to take milk baths it is suppose to help me with my skin.
The manager asks do you what the milk pasteurized?
The lady replies no just up to my Tits will be fine.

Very nice!

hno:hno:hno:....................some funny stuff here...............keep it going gang..........

Here's a joke that is so very wrong but funny.

A teenage girl asks her father..."Dad, can I have 50$?".
The father replies, "Sure but you gotta suck my dick".
So the girl says "God dad what the hell is wrong with you?!?!"
Her father says "Well if you want it, that's what you gotta do".
Needing the 50$ desperately the girl sucks her fathers dick. While she is blowing her dad she says, "eew dad! your dick smells like shit!" Her father says, "No way, keep going". The girl says "no really! It does!"
The dad says, " Oh yeah that's right! Your brother wanted to borrow the truck this morning."

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The Blonde on Air Canada

AN AIR CANADA PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT. THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. "I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO".

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The Blonde on Air Canada

AN AIR CANADA PLANE IS ON ITS WAY TO TORONTO, WHEN A BLONDE IN ECONOMY CLASS GETS UP AND MOVES TO THE FIRST CLASS SECTION AND SITS DOWN. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT WATCHES HER DO THIS, AND ASKS TO SEE HER TICKET. SHE THEN TELLS THE BLONDE THAT SHE PAID FOR ECONOMY CLASS, AND THAT SHE WILL HAVE TO SIT IN THE BACK. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT GOES INTO THE COCKPIT AND TELLS THE PILOT AND THE CO-PILOT THAT THERE IS A BLONDE BIMBO SITTING IN FIRST CLASS, THAT BELONGS IN ECONOMY, AND WON'T MOVE BACK TO HER SEAT. THE CO-PILOT GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND TRIES TO EXPLAIN THAT BECAUSE SHE ONLY PAID FOR ECONOMY SHE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE AND RETURN TO HER SEAT. THE BLONDE REPLIES, "I'M BLONDE, I'M BEAUTIFUL, I'M GOING TO TORONTO AND I'M STAYING RIGHT HERE." THE CO-PILOT TELLS THE PILOT THAT HE PROBABLY SHOULD HAVE THE POLICE WAITING WHEN THEY LAND TO ARREST THIS BLONDE WOMAN WHO WON'T LISTEN TO REASON. THE PILOT SAYS, "YOU SAY SHE IS A BLONDE? I'LL HANDLE THIS. I'M MARRIED TO A BLONDE. I SPEAK BLONDE." HE GOES BACK TO THE BLONDE AND WHISPERS IN HER EAR, AND SHE SAYS, "OH, I'M SORRY." AND GETS UP AND GOES BACK TO HER SEAT IN ECONOMY. THE FLIGHT ATTENDANT AND CO-PILOT ARE AMAZED AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE SAID TO MAKE HER MOVE WITHOUT ANY FUSS. "I TOLD HER, "FIRST CLASS ISN'T GOING TO TORONTO".

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