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Thread: Post your funniest jokes in this thread!

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  1. #1 Post your funniest jokes in this thread! 
    RX Junior
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    I'll start with some good jokes

    What did the chicken say to the dog? Nothing, it was too chicken
    Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was chicken out some girls
    Knock knock. Whose there? Boo. Boo hoo. Why are you crying

    Post some of your funniest jokes
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  2. #2  
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    Knock knock. Whos there? Who's a joke of a dumb fuck , you are
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  3. #3  
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    Jesus fuck who is the new arse!
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  4. #4  
    RX Senior sniperpicks's Avatar
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    knock knock

    who is there?

    nine eleven

    9 11 who?

    I thought you said you would never forget
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  5. #5  
    RX SemiGod RenoChazz's Avatar
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  6. #6  
    RX Member Aflacc's Avatar
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    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Moose
    Moose who?
    Mickey Moose
    I would rather have a daughter working in a cathouse than have a son playing for the Yankees.
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  7. #7  
    RX Member Aflacc's Avatar
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    Knock Knock
    Who's there?
    Duke
    Duke who?
    Donald Duke
    I would rather have a daughter working in a cathouse than have a son playing for the Yankees.
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  8. #8  
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    These are terrible
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  9. #9  
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    one girl said to the other
    how was your vacation
    great she said i slept with a Brazilian
    the other replied you slut you how many is that
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  10. #10  
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    just a laughing gull

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  11. #11  
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    There was this cool guy named vitterd....
    KNOCKOUT KING
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  12. #12  
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    A pedophile takes a little boy into the cold, foggy, dark woods.
    The little boy looks at the pedophile and says "I'm scared!"
    The pedophile looks at the little boy and says "You're scared?? I have to walk out of here alone".
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  13. #13  
    RX SemiGod RenoChazz's Avatar
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    My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin.
    I asked him how was able to tell them apart?
    He said her twin brother has a mustache.
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  14. #14  
    Born Again Gambler elk102873's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sniperpicks View Post
    knock knock

    who is there?

    nine eleven

    9 11 who?

    I thought you said you would never forget
    Pretty funny...
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  15. #15  
    RX resident ChicAustrian guitarjosh's Avatar
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    2 Irishmen walk out of a bar
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  16. #16  
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    As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
    I was quite embarrassed when performing female
    pelvic exams. To cover my embarrassment
    I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
    The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
    out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
    sheepishly said. . .I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?'
    She replied with tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard . . . 'No doctor but the song you were whistling was . . .
    'I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Wiener.'

    Dr. wouldn't submit his name...
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  17. #17  
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    Quote Originally Posted by guitarjosh View Post
    2 Irishmen walk out of a bar
    total myth
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  18. #18  
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    Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?
    Answer: Princess Diana's death.

    Question: How come?
    Answer: An English princess with an Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a French tunnel, driving a German car with a Dutch engine, driven by a Belgian who was drunk on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling) followed closely by Italian Paparazzi, on Japanese motorcycles; treated by an American doctor, using Brazilian medicines.
    This is sent to you by an American, using Bill Gates's technology, and you're probably reading this on your computer, that uses Taiwanese chips, and a Korean monitor, assembled by Bangladeshi workers in a Singapore plant, transported by Indian lorry-drivers, hijacked by Indonesians, unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen, and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....That, my friend, is Globalization.
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  19. #19  
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    Raising Bread
    A bakery owner hires a young female clerk who likes to wear very short
    skirts and thong panties. One day a young man comes into the store,
    glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the
    counter. Noticing the length of her skirt (or lack thereof) and the location
    of the raisin bread
    - on the very top shelf - he politely says to the young woman, "I'd
    like some raisin bread, please."
    She climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, providing the young
    man with an excellent view, just as he surmised she would. When she
    comes down the ladder, he says he really should get two loaves as he is
    having company for dinner.As the clerk retrieves the second loaf of bread,
    one of the other male customers notices what is going on. Thinking
    quickly, he orders a loaf of
    raisin bread so he can continue to enjoy the view. With each trip up
    the ladder, the young lady seems to catch the eye of another male
    customer. Pretty soon, each male customer is asking for raisin bread just to
    watch the young woman climb up and down the ladder. After many trips,
    she is tired, irritated, but thinking she is really going to have to try
    the raisin bread herself.

    Once again she is up the ladder retrieving a loaf of raisin bread for
    another male customer. She stops and fumes, glaring at the men below.
    She notices an elderly man standing among the crowd of males looking up
    at her who hasn't yet placed an order. Thinking to save herself another
    trip up and down the ladder, she yells at the elderly man, "Is yours
    raisin, too?"
    "No," croaked the old man, "but it's a quiverin'..."
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  20. #20  
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    PHILLY GIRL

    Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their housekeeping duties.

    The first man had married a woman from Maryland and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning that needed to be done at their house.

    He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.

    The second man had married a woman from West Virginia and he bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.

    The third man had married a Philadelphia girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!
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  21. #21  
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    THE HORSE BET

    The other day, a woman came out of the kitchen and when her husband approached, she slapped him up side the head, WHACK!

    He was a little dazed and asked, "What was that for?"

    She said, "I was cleaning out your pants to put them in the laundry and I found a piece of paper with the name "Foxy Roxy" on it!"

    "Honey, you know that I went out the other day with the boys to the race track. I bet on a horse named "Foxy Roxy" and we won a lot of money on it."

    She felt so bad that she fixed him his favorite dinner and really treated him good, since she had made this terrible mistake in not trusting him.

    A few days went by and the husband came through the door and "WHACK," she smacked him up side the head again.

    He said, "Ow! What was that for?

    She replied, "Your horse called today!"
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  22. #22  
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    Some Lawyer Humor

    A very wealthy man, old and desperately ill, summons to his bedside his three closest advisors: his doctor, his priest, and his lawyer.

    "I know," the old man sighed, "they say you can't take it with you. But who knows? Suppose they're mistaken. Suppose the Egyptians were right. I'd like to have something with me, just in case."

    His three advisors looked at each other in silent wonderment.

    "So," continued the old man, "I am giving each of you an envelope containing $100,000.00 in cash. I would be deeply grateful if at my funeral you would put the envelopes in my coffin, so that if it turns out that cash is useful, I'll have a nest egg for eternity."

    They each solemnly agree to carry out his last wishes.

    Sure enough, after just a few weeks, the old man passes away. At his funeral, each of his three advisors were seen slipping their envelopes into the coffin.

    After the burial, as the three are walking away together, the doctor, becoming quite emotional, turned to the other two and said, "Friends, I have a confession to make. As you know, at the hospital we are desperate because of the cutbacks in funding. Our CAT SCAN machine broke down and we haven't be able to get a new one. So, I took $20,000 of our friend's money for a new CAT SCAN and put the rest in the coffin as he asked."

    At this the priest, a tear in his eye, said: "I, too, have a confession to make. As you know, our small church is simply overwhelmed by the problem of the homeless. The needs keep increasing and we have nowhere to turn. So I took $50,000 from the envelope for our homeless fund and put the rest in the coffin as our friend requested."

    Fixing his sternest gaze on the doctor and the priest, the lawyer, shaking his head in disgust, said, "I am astonished and deeply disappointed that you would treat so casually our solemn promises to our dear old friend and benefactor."

    The lawyer, pointing an accusing finger at the doctor and priest, said: "I want you both to know that I placed in his coffin my personal check for the full $100,000.00!"
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  23. #23  
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    DRINKING HUMOR

    A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and says to the crowd of drinkers, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll bet $500 American dollars that no one in here can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

    The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves.

    Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder.

    "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

    The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.

    The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

    The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

    The Irishman smiles, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".
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  24. #24  
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    Q: Would a white or black kindergartner have a bigger dick?
    A: The black one because he's 20.


    How did the Mexican girl get pregnant? Her teacher told her to do an essay

    Where do you send Jewish kids with Attention Deficit Disorder? Concentration Camp!




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  25. #25  
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    Lawyer with a Heart

    One day a lawyer was riding in his limosine when he saw a guy eating grass. He told the driver to stop. He got out and asked him, "Why are you eating grass".
    The man replied, "I'm so poor, I can't afford a thing to eat."

    So the lawyer said, "Poor guy, come back to my house."

    The guy then said, "But I have a wife and three kids." The lawyer told him to bring them along.

    When they were all in the car, the poor man said, "Thanks for taking us back to your house, it is so kind of you."

    The lawyer said, "You're going to love it there, the grass is a foot tall."
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