Alcoholism

beefdiesel · Apr 2, 2018

Sucks..
my wife has moved out because she is addicted to wine and has blamed me for her excessive drinking because I’ve tried to get her to stop/slow down over the last few years. I’m at a loss right now, I’m posting this in the middle of the night because I’m worried about her and want to get her help. We have counseling this afternoon so I hope it helps.

bigbet1234 · Apr 2, 2018

You're headed in the right direction. She will never change unless she wants to. If she does it for you, it won't last.

HacheMan · Apr 2, 2018

Sorry to hear diesel.

Like BB stated above, she will have to want help before it will happen.

Hopefully you can try to get her pointed in the right direction.

Do you communicate with her friends or family members?

beefdiesel · Apr 2, 2018

Hache Man said:
Sorry to hear diesel.

Like BB stated above, she will have to want help before it will happen.

Hopefully you can try to get her pointed in the right direction.

Do you communicate with her friends or family members?

i tried communicating with her mom but she put her head in the sand and told me to handle it, wife threatened me to stop contacting her family about it. I’m working with a counselor to get her help.

HacheMan · Apr 2, 2018

beefdiesel said:
i tried communicating with her mom but she put her head in the sand and told me to handle it, wife threatened me to stop contacting her family about it. I’m working with a counselor to get her help.

Hope it works out for you.

Maybe when she sobers up a day or two it will hit her & she'll accept your help.

flashmo · Apr 2, 2018

My last girlfriend drank herself to death. It doesn't matter what you do unless she truly wants to stop.I did everything to try to help her- got her in rehab, even go to meetings with her. she always ended up back in the hospital and starting over every 2 or 3 months. It's all up to her-she has to truly want to stop. Otherwise it is just a spiral downwards that will not end well.

Betallsports · Apr 2, 2018

Very sorry to hear this. and like the others have said, only She can get help if She wants to.

In the mean time since you are having problems with her mom not wanting to help, You should check out [FONT=&quot]Al-Anon, and find a local place/meeting for yourself
This is a Must even if she does seek help. This will Help You.[/FONT]

Hamilbet · Apr 2, 2018

Counseling is definitely the right step. But just an heads up, No one will quit anything unless they want to. I come from a large extended family with all kinds of addicts. Alcohol, drugs, gambling, smoking. Its the same for all of them that stopped. When they had enough, they just stopped. Sometimes it takes hitting bottom to for that final push to stop and other they just woke up one day and said to themselves, thats enough and just stopped. Some never did and passed away bc of their addiction.

Support and counseling, for sure, make things easier and gives people the help that they may need, but just remember, you cant force an addict to quit.

Just my personal experience on the matter, good luck.

HacheMan · Apr 2, 2018

flashmo said:
My last girlfriend drank herself to death. It doesn't matter what you do unless she truly wants to stop.I did everything to try to help her- got her in rehab, even go to meetings with her. she always ended up back in the hospital and starting over every 2 or 3 months. It's all up to her-she has to truly want to stop. Otherwise it is just a spiral downwards that will not end well.

Coincidentally ive known 2 men who have lost their wives to drinking.

I'm one of the lucky ones who has never acquired a taste for alcohol.

Just can't stand the taste of most of it.

Oddly, the one thing I can handle that even most drinkers dont like, is taking tequila shots with lime & salt.

joebatters · Apr 2, 2018

I can relate to this. My ex, the mother of my kids, is an alcoholic and hardly ever sees her kids. I've been to Al-anon like BAS said. It does help you gain some insight. One thing that I have learned thru them that I can share with you, is that you have to be a hard-ass about the whole thing, toward her that is. Alcoholics are excellent liars, manipulators, etc...that is why you have to be a hardass, otherwise they will bring you down with them. At least that is how it was explained to me and I believe that is true.

michael777 · Apr 2, 2018

joebatters said:
I can relate to this. My ex, the mother of my kids, is an alcoholic and hardly ever sees her kids. I've been to Al-anon like BAS said. It does help you gain some insight. One thing that I have learned thru them that I can share with you, is that you have to be a hard-ass about the whole thing, toward her that is. Alcoholics are excellent liars, manipulators, etc...that is why you have to be a hardass, otherwise they will bring you down with them. At least that is how it was explained to me and I believe that is true.

Well said,my Ex was an Alcoholic,liar,and manipulator,she almost brought me down,but somehow i survived. Good luck to all who are in a very tough relationship

DoublePlayBall · Apr 2, 2018

Genetics play a role in alcoholism. It's a day to day battle even with the best help.

tanner12oz · Apr 2, 2018

beefdiesel said:
Sucks..
my wife has moved out because she is addicted to wine and has blamed me for her excessive drinking because I’ve tried to get her to stop/slow down over the last few years. I’m at a loss right now, I’m posting this in the middle of the night because I’m worried about her and want to get her help. We have counseling this afternoon so I hope it helps.

I lost a girl to the drink also. She was the sweetest gal sober but turned into a monster when drinking. Would disappear for days unable to make it home..had to toss her. Since then she's done the dui thing and all that..totally sucks. Came from a hard family of heavy drinkers dont think she had much say in the matter.

tanner12oz · Apr 2, 2018

This thread is spot on...always help kinda helpless. ..like simply along for the ride to clean up and try to hold things together. It eventually makes you nuts. Like others said lies and deception seem to go hand and hand with this. Also in agreement that unless the person is ready to clean up it ain't happening. I've had to lock my bedroom door, woken up to broken shit etc etc...gets old

Enfuego · Apr 2, 2018

I hope this all works out for you.

unusualsusp11 · Apr 2, 2018

funny this doesn't happen with pot smokers. yet all the towns around here are scared to death to allow recreational stores to open now that has been legalized. but you can continue to open liquor stores, bars, convenience stores can all sell liquor if you pay for the license and no one seems to care about that. yet, marijuana without even one documented death ever happening because of the usage of it they are afraid of the stigma of having a store in their town. go figure.

clowncar · Apr 2, 2018

I realize there is a different level of commitment when it is a spouse but addiction leaves a path of destruction in its wake and the closest to the addicted take on the most of it. Give all you can but you have to be willing to walk away at a certain point

beefdiesel · Apr 2, 2018

Sad reading the posts in this thread. We went to counseling and drinking got mentioned twice, I asked her how much she was drinking at her moms and she said 2 glasses of wine every other day... Hard for me to believe, that’s what her mom sees...still separated, she is depressed too, taking many drugs for that as well, don’t know the final outcome but I’m hoping we can work it out and be happy

bigbet1234 · Apr 2, 2018

beefdiesel said:
Sad reading the posts in this thread. We went to counseling and drinking got mentioned twice, I asked her how much she was drinking at her moms and she said 2 glasses of wine every other day... Hard for me to believe, that’s what her mom sees...still separated, she is depressed too, taking many drugs for that as well, don’t know the final outcome but I’m hoping we can work it out and be happy

To actually see clearly, you have to step away from It. No doubt you love her, but accept you can't help the unwillingly. Work on YOU and what's meant to be will be brother. I feel ya

beefdiesel · Apr 3, 2018

bigbet1234 said:
To actually see clearly, you have to step away from It. No doubt you love her, but accept you can't help the unwillingly. Work on YOU and what's meant to be will be brother. I feel ya

Thanks man, appreciate it. Today I checked the mail, 5 hot checks written last week, luckily we have separate bank accounts...I have the only key to mailbox so I’m checking everything now, think she hocked her wedding ring too, sickening beyond belief my wife would turn into this