Trump Jokes

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The title of the thread explains it all.

Sorry if there is already one for this purpose, but if so I didn't see it.

Feel free to post any jokes which you find funny.

I will start with this one which had me in stitches:

Trump's aide says to him, "Sir, I had a dream you got your parade. It was miles and miles long winding through Washington DC. Joyful Americans lined the route, literally in the millions. People were laughing, cheering, playing in the street. You were riding in the most beautiful carriage."Trump asks, "Was I happy?"
The aide answers, "I don't know, sir. The casket was closed."
 

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Your wife sez supper is ready



tenor.gif
 

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What do a diaper and Trump have in common?

[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Calibri,Geneva,sans-serif]They are both self absorbed and full of shit.[/FONT]
 

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What does Trump try to accomplish?


Everything he said he would while running for president.

How is that a joke?

Its not

Its actually someone that's not a career politician trying to accomplish something.
 

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Trump and Hillary walk into a bakery shop. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Trump: “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t even see anything, and I don’t even need to lie. I will definitely win the election.”

Trump says to Hillary: “That’s the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same 3 pastries without stealing or lying and prove that I am cleverer than you!”

Trump says to the owner of the bakery: “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick!”

The owner accepts Trump’s offer and gives him a pastry. Trump eats it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Trump eats that one, asks for a third pastry, and eats that, too.

The owner asks: “What is the magic trick?”

Trump replies: “Look in Hillary’s pocket!”
 
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Trump and Hillary walk into a bakery shop. As soon as they enter the bakery, Hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to Trump: “See how clever I am? The owner didn’t even see anything, and I don’t even need to lie. I will definitely win the election.”

Trump says to Hillary: “That’s the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same 3 pastries without stealing or lying and prove that I am cleverer than you!”

Trump says to the owner of the bakery: “Give me a pastry and I will show you a magic trick!”

The owner accepts Trump’s offer and gives him a pastry. Trump eats it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Trump eats that one, asks for a third pastry, and eats that, too.

The owner asks: “What is the magic trick?”

Trump replies: “Look in Hillary’s pocket!”

That's great. hahaha
 

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Trump on Hillary: “We have proven that we can still be civil to each other. Just before taking the dais, Hillary bumped into me and, very civilly, said, “pardon me.”
 

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Trump said he finally got the chance to meet the people who are working so very hard to get Hillary elected...the heads of NBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, the NY Times and the Washington Post.
 

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Hopefully everyone will find these hilarious as I did no matter where you stand politically speaking:

[FONT=Verdana,Tahoma,Arial,Calibri,Geneva,sans-serif]https://upjoke.com/melania-jokes[/FONT]
 

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trump and hillary walk into a bakery shop. As soon as they enter the bakery, hillary steals three pastries and puts them in her pocket. She says to trump: “see how clever i am? The owner didn’t even see anything, and i don’t even need to lie. I will definitely win the election.”

trump says to hillary: “that’s the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickery and deceit. I am going to show you an honest way to get the same 3 pastries without stealing or lying and prove that i am cleverer than you!”

trump says to the owner of the bakery: “give me a pastry and i will show you a magic trick!”

the owner accepts trump’s offer and gives him a pastry. Trump eats it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one. Trump eats that one, asks for a third pastry, and eats that, too.

The owner asks: “what is the magic trick?”

trump replies: “look in hillary’s pocket!”
lol
 

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The title of the thread explains it all.

Sorry if there is already one for this purpose, but if so I didn't see it.

Feel free to post any jokes which you find funny.

I will start with this one which had me in stitches:

Trump's aide says to him, "Sir, I had a dream you got your parade. It was miles and miles long winding through Washington DC. Joyful Americans lined the route, literally in the millions. People were laughing, cheering, playing in the street. You were riding in the most beautiful carriage."Trump asks, "Was I happy?"
The aide answers, "I don't know, sir. The casket was closed."

This made me chuckle
 

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Guy walks in to a book store and asks the lady behind the register " Excuse me, I forget the title but do you have Donald Trump's new book, the one about illegal immigrants?"

The lady responds "Get the fuck out of here and never come back!"

The guy replies "Yeah, that's the one. You have it in paperback?"
 

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guy walks in to a book store and asks the lady behind the register " excuse me, i forget the title but do you have donald trump's new book, the one about illegal immigrants?"

the lady responds "get the fuck out of here and never come back!"

the guy replies "yeah, that's the one. You have it in paperback?"
lol
 

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Trump walk into the store and ask the Clerk if he had any blue ink pens he could purchase

and the Clerk said, yes I have some blue ink pens, but I will not sell you any so, get out of here!

Wow!

cheersgifcheersgifcheersgif
 

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Michelle Obama and her two daughters walked into a Walmart. The greeter looks at her and her daughters and asks "Are they twins?".

Michelle Obama looks at him in disgust and gets outraged, and yells "Do they look like twins?? They were born years apart!! Are you stupid?!!"

The greeter then replies "Well, I had to ask, cause I cant believe someone would fuck you twice!"
 

Conservatives, Patriots & Huskies return to glory
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Guy walks in to a book store and asks the lady behind the register " Excuse me, I forget the title but do you have Donald Trump's new book, the one about illegal immigrants?"

The lady responds "Get the fuck out of here and never come back!"

The guy replies "Yeah, that's the one. You have it in paperback?"

awesome
 

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Why does Trump sleep in the nude, I don't know, caz it makes it easy to get to his pee pee! w-thumbs!^
 

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