News Flash - "Yankees sign Everybody"

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NEW YORK, NEW YORK - Feb. 18

With a week to go before pitchers and catchers
report for spring training, the New York Yankees shored up
their pitching, hitting, and defense Monday by signing every
player in professional baseball.

"We'd like to welcome the entire roster of Major League
Baseball into the Yankees family," said team owner George
Steinbrenner, watching as the franchise's 928 newest
additions held up their pinstripes at a Yankee Stadium press
conference. "With these acquisitions, we are in position to
finally nab that elusive 27th World Series title."

Sports reporters were not surprised by the move.

"This is not entirely unexpected," New York Times baseball
writer Murray Chass said. "When the Yankees followed up
their signing of Alex Rodriguez by annexing Cuba for use as
a Triple-A farm club, it was clear that Steinbrenner was
willing to do whatever it takes to win."

By noon, Yankees GM Brian Cashman had signed the entire
National League and most of the American League to
multi-year contracts.

"It's an honor to be part of this team," said catcher Benito
Santiago, picked up as insurance in case catchers Jorge
Posada, Ivan Rodriguez, and Mike Piazza all go down with
injuries. "It's a surprise, certainly, but I'd be crazy to
turn down the opportunity to play on what is, by default,
the greatest team in baseball."

Yankees manager Joe Torre, whose pitching rotation, prior to
the mass signing, lacked a clear seventh ace, now has the
luxury of starting each of his hurlers twice a season.

"As they say, you can never have enough pitching in this
league," Torre said. "Especially come playoff time. Now, if
we make it to the World Series, we'll be able to start Pedro
Martinez in Game 1 and still have him fresh and ready to go
for a Game 287, should it be necessary."

With so many egos to juggle and so many personnel decisions
to make, Torre said his job will actually be harder this
season, the lack of opposing players notwithstanding.

"Hey, I don't care who you've got on your team; winning in
this league is tough-Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Randy
Johnson or no Sammy Sosa, Barry Bonds, and Randy Johnson,"
Torre said. "And it's even tougher in New York. This is a
baseball town, and some of these fans think the Yankees are
the only team in baseball. Now that we truly are, the
pressure to win will be that much greater."

The mass signing, extravagant even by Yankees standards,
caused the Bronx Bombers' payroll to skyrocket from a former
league high of $149 million to $5.6 billion. Cashman noted
that much of that figure is tied up in bonuses to be paid
out to pitcher Tom Glavine, who at 37 will almost certainly
not play out the entirety of his 15-year contract.

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig approved the signing, noting
that the other 29 major-league teams received ample
financial compensation.

"I see no reason why a small-market team like the Twins or
Expos can't continue to remain competitive, just because it
lacks players," Selig said. "The league was due for
contraction, anyway."
 

Hawkeye-Packer-Yankee
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There are 2 kinds of Baseball fans, Yankee fans and those that want to be!
fuck2.gif
 
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I can't stand the Yankees but, they make tons of money and they take that money and put it back into the team on the field . The same team that their fans spend their hard earned money to go watch 81+ times a season. And they did give up Soriano. Not like it was a straight buy of Rodriguez
 

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Maybe nuts, but here's a prediction:

THe Yankees won't be better with A-Rod than with Soriano.

The difference in production won't mean three-four games in the regular season, and could be meaningless in the postseason. A-Rod is better defensively than most anybody, and he's great with the bat. But he hasn't played in the clutch any better than Soriano (hasn't played in the clutch much at all, anyway).

His signing is big news - but it's impact, I think, is being heavily overrated.
 

in your heart, you know i'm right
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i agree. the media is over-hyping the yankees acqusition of a-rod and the cubs acqusition on maddux. however, i feel that the bettors are also overrating the cubbies and will keep watching that season win total. it started at 91.5 and is now at 92.5. if it gets to 94...kaboom!
 

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