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OG
Joined
Mar 20, 2001
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After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride,
Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to say
hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi, How was a da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everything was a perfect except for da train a ride
down."

What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My beautiful
Virginia had packed a biga basket a food with vino and cigars for a me,
and a we were looking a "forward to da trip.

All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a da luncha- basket. The
conductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say, "no eat in
dese'a car. Musta use a dining car." So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia,
we go to dining car, eat a biga lunch and begin to open a bottle of
vino! Conductor walk by me again, wag his a
finger and say, "No drink'a in dese'a car.Must'a use 'a club' a car, so
we go to club'a car.

While'a drinking vino, I start to light'a my big'a cigar. The
conductor, he wag'a his finger again and say, "No smoke'a in dese'a car.
Must'a go to smoker car." We go to smoker car and I smoke'a my cigar.

Later, my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car and'a go to
bed.

We just about to have'a sex and the conductor, he walk'a through car
corridor shouting at top of his voice,

"NO'FOLK'A, VIRGINIIA !
NO'FOLK'A VIRGINIA !"

Nexxa time, Imadriva down
 
Joined
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[ Unless you're sufficiently left-brained, you probably won't get this one... ]

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”… The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes!”
 

EV Whore
Joined
Apr 18, 2006
Messages
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[ Unless you're sufficiently left-brained, you probably won't get this one... ]

Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks, “Do all of you want a drink?”… The first logician says, “I don’t know.” The second logician says, “I don’t know.” The third logician says, “Yes!”

Hahaha, not bad
 

Member
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Feb 10, 2009
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who would have thought 5team wouldn't have the worst bump of all time
 

Member
Handicapper
Joined
Jan 15, 2010
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Want to hear an Ebola joke?

I bet you wont get it.
 

New member
Joined
Apr 21, 2002
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Crazy ex girlfriends are like a box of chocolates. They'll kill your dog.
 
Joined
Sep 21, 2004
Messages
44,746
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A couple were in a busy shopping mall just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing. They had a lot to do, so she called him on her cell phone.
The wife said, "Where the hell are you? Don't you realize we have lots to do."

He said, "Do you remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time. Remember? I said that one day I would get it for you."

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up. "Yes, I do remember that shop," she replied.

"Well, I am in the pub next to that."
 
Joined
Sep 21, 2004
Messages
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Q: What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

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A: You wouldn't pay $300 to have a garbanzo bean on your face
 
Joined
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Messages
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Two guys are sitting in a sportsbook.

1st guy: Man, this has been the worst week of my life! I bet 5 college football games and lost them all. I bet 6 pro football games and lost them all. I bet 7 college basketball games and lost them all. I bet 8 pro basketball games and lost them all. I bet 10 soccer games and lost them all. I bet 12 tennis matches and lost them all.

2nd guy: Well, there's a hockey game about to start.

1st guy: Hockey? I don't know anything about hockey!
 

Member
Handicapper
Joined
Jan 15, 2010
Messages
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Two guys are sitting in a sportsbook.

1st guy: Man, this has been the worst week of my life! I bet 5 college football games and lost them all. I bet 6 pro football games and lost them all. I bet 7 college basketball games and lost them all. I bet 8 pro basketball games and lost them all. I bet 10 soccer games and lost them all. I bet 12 tennis matches and lost them all.

2nd guy: Well, there's a hockey game about to start.

1st guy: Hockey? I don't know anything about hockey!

This has actually happened to me.
 

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