> A man comes into the ER and yells; "My wife's going to have her baby in
> the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
> dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
> there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> Dr.. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
>
> "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully
> replied the patient.
>
> Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.
>
> Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of
> the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
> I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
> right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
>
> "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
> There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.
>
> I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
> was standing there with both his eyes covered.
>
> I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
> he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
> medications. "Which one?" I asked.
>
> "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
> now I'm running out of places to put it!"
>
> I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
>
> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
>
> Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
> new one.
>
> Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
> have you been bedridden?"
>
> After a look of complete confusion she answered "Why, not for about
> twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
>
> Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
> breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
>
> I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
> asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY
> Jelly."
>
> Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> And Finally . . . . . A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was
> quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
> embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
>
> The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly
> burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his
> work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
>
> She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I
> was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."
> the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
> dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
> there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
>
> Dr.. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
>
> "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully
> replied the patient.
>
> Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction.
>
> Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of
> the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
> I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
> right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly.
>
> "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested.
> There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line.
>
> I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he
> was standing there with both his eyes covered.
>
> I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
> he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
> medications. "Which one?" I asked.
>
> "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and
> now I'm running out of places to put it!"
>
> I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
>
> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
>
> Now the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a
> new one.
>
> Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
> have you been bedridden?"
>
> After a look of complete confusion she answered "Why, not for about
> twenty years -- when my husband was alive."
>
> Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
> * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
> breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
>
> I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
> asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY
> Jelly."
>
> Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
> * * * * * * * * * * * * *
>
> And Finally . . . . . A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was
> quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his
> embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
>
> The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly
> burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his
> work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?"
>
> She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I wish I
> was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'."