I Got Offered Senior Accounting Manager Job (85K)

Boys I am a fukkin mastermind. I make up some resume and send it in to some accounting firms and bingo after 2 interviews I got the job!!! Yes!!! A professional now!!! I looked the part and **** with a suite , briefcase and get this I had guys calling me asking me set up tech questions about accountng and troubleshooting them. It was all pre planned and the guy in Human Resourses bought it. I had Danny Lancaninitio of Newark (a local accountant) coach me on what to say and stuff and it worked. Danny is a CPA now and never went to school but learned on the job and now has a good clientele. I also had him call and speak well of me.

Now the problem is can I bull **** my way through the job?? If it is just delegating I do not have to know much about accounting and from what the guy says it is managing more the jr accountants. I will find smartest guy and let him make decisions for me , I will pick his brain on all issues. I think I can pull this off and not once did they want to see any documents from me other than my resume. I bet I was lucky but nice to have salary. I start on Monday. The job is in Neptune, NJ.

Here is what got me in and all BS on it that I made up



Accounting


Objective:

Seeking a challenging position where I will be able to make a contribution by utilizing my knowledge, skills and experiences and will allow for professional and personal growth.

Relocate

SC





Experience
Company Name: University of Georgia
Formal Title: Senior Accounting
Start Date: June 1993
End Date: June 1995

Comments: •Honoraria expense, Traveling expense, Authority Travel expense, Entertainment expenses •UPS & Fed Ex fees, Repairs/Maintenance fees, Invoice(s) fees, Taxes •Issue checks and receipts as needed and related duties •Reimbursements, Petty-Cash Checks, Types of deposits •Fund-Ware data base, Quicken files data base, Data entry on forms •All account payables etc…

Company Name: University of Georgia
Formal Title: Administrative Services Section
Start Date: June 1995
End Date: May 1996

Comments: •Receptionist and provide temporary support at the front desk and other groups as necessary •Review files and enter into a data base

Company Name: University of Arkansas
Formal Title: Administrative Secretary
Start Date: March 1997
End Date: Feburary 1998

Comments: •Provide logistical support for international workshop, “Title of Workshop” •Provide clerical support for faculty and staff members including filing, typing, entering data, scanning documents, and serving as primary source of basic computer support •Prepare manuscripts •Proofread and edit documents •Update and maintain data base •Very computer literate • Create multimedia presentations (PowerPoint)

Company Name: Advance America
Formal Title: Customer Service Representative
Start Date: Jan 1988
End Date: Janurary 1990

Comments: •Assist customers completing applications for loans and cash advances •Maintain and update customer files and records and other internal documents • Provide support in the Sales and Collections Departments as required •Provide information to potential customers over the phone and in person •Handle money as needed and also preparing deposits and cashiering

Company Name: Express Check Advance
Formal Title: Assistant Manager
Start Date: July 2000
End Date: Janurary 2001

Comments: •Assist customers completing applications for loans and cash advances •Maintain and update customer files and records and other internal documents • Assist with marketing and public relations events •Provide support in the Sales and Collections Departments as required •Serve as receptionist and switchboard operator •Provide information to potential customers over the phone and in person •Train new employees •Handle money as needed and also preparing deposits and cashiering

Company Name: Wal Mart
Formal Title: VP Sales Associate
Start Date: October 2001
End Date: Present

Comments: •Provide customer support, stock, change price tags as needed, and maintain shoe and jewelry departments •Set up and break down seasonal modules •Assist with store-wide inventory and stocking




Education
Institution Name: Syracuse University
Degree: Accounting
Start date: September 1980
Graduation: May 1984
Comments:

Institution Name: Allendale-Fairfax High
Degree: Diploma
Start date: August 1976
Graduation: May 1980
Comments:

id turn it down JJ. you can lie better than that. nothing is worth it in this day and age unless it pays 200k or more. its a "mandate"

:digit: :digit: :digit: :digit: :digit: :digit: <--the die bold team pushing the 200k idealology

It is a house of cards brother. Accounting isn't a field you can get away with it, you will at some point be subjected to a background check after you accept the job. I can assure you of that. Accounting isn't that difficult day to day, but issues always pop up and you will be confronted with them at some point and they would see right through you at that point.

Bill, you should know better than to take ANYTHING jj says seriously.


UT

JJ
Keeping track of your weekly debt to your Sharks and BM's has groomed you nicely for your new career

LMFAO GOldenBoy. i'm proud of you for pulling this off and just make sure you keep posting on company time

Company Name: Wal Mart
Formal Title: VP Sales Associate
Start Date: October 2001
End Date: Present

the fukkin joke's on them. if they only knew you were the shitt handicapped greeter JerkOff with botched rug w/ glue N shitt all over your fukkin forehead

I need an accoutant that understands gambling. How much do you charge to do a tax return?

The key here is I will oversea accountants so what the heck they know what they are doing so I will ride them out and hopefully they are good and do not bury me. I do not think any backround checks will be done as it is not a big company.

jj you are so full of 5hit, I can smell you from the west coast.


UT

well, you just work the system. sorry to push the envelope, but like the republicans running the show; you just grab every hand out and abuse everything in sight. and it still works without going to church, its really cool.

so JJ takes his job, he collects a few checks at a big rate, he then says he's mentally ill or gets caught lying on the ap and states the same. be consistent with this, you dooche. and then proceeds to collect disabilty at double or triple the federal minimum. his lying on the application actually builds the case for his mental illness which is quite apparent, since he claims to suck on wee wee to pay off debts.

so, you take your big monthly hand out thanks to bush and then you go abuse section 8 so your rent is cheap. you spend like 300 bucks a month on grocerys. you eat like a pimp, you do nothing. mentally ill JJ spends all his free time on aol getting girls, he manages to eventually get laid becuase red state chics will do anything eventually (theyre stupid fwiw, if you cant screw a red state chic you must be a parapoligic). and then spending the remaining goverment money on gambling endevours.

whos your boy JJ, I got you like that.

post of the month robFunk. words couldn't have said it bettor

What is a red state chic?

Jj,

This Is Just Like The Seinfeld Episode, Were Kramer Gets The Job..

I Hope You Do Not End Up Like Kramer Did.......lol..........best Of Luck

I interviewed lately, tried to hedge but could not lie.

What is your educational background?

Well, I was working on my PHD.


How far did you get?


Oh, around the tenth grade.


JJ, we need the hookup. Put a few of us on staff. Bound to be something we can oversee.

JJ, only one question. What were you doing between January and October 2001? Made a killing on the superbowl and didn't stop partying for 9 months? Or perhaps-- License Plate Manufacturing Assistant, State of New Jersey?

Inquiring minds want to know.

trying have you ever heard of a vacation or leave of absence??

Nicky I hit 11th grade and then starting running football tickets as my first job and never looked back

thanks DJ. that aint me. but ive met a lot of freakn people and thats just the tip of the ice burg. you hang out with a few sketchy ppl, you drink some beer and have a few shots its amazing what comes out of thier mouths.

I assume nothing. I take my stances with evidence. but if things are going to be like they are, im going to say what im going to say. i care about a lot of things, but my dissapointment doesnt have to be misery. im going to stay upbeat.

JJ a red state chic is a woman from a state won by our incumbent. theyre very happy with the way things are in life, so they tend to be easier to screw. when they aired that monday night football thing it got that much easier becuase it will force white girls to be more competitive. i wish i were kidding. ABC just wants to see you get nookie.

red state chic(s) that JJ struck out w/ 3 times

It will be like Kramer when he got his office job on Seinfeld. What do you have in the briefcase? Crackers.

Son, gona give u some advise



Don't take the jpob or you will end up in jail, broke, or even worse



1. Accounting is all about controls. Reas up on Sarbanes Oxley

2. If you screw up, you will be sued, boith personally and professionally. Big 4 will turn on you quicker than a crack whore

3. All activities on the company laptop are monitired.

4. You will need to pass the CPA exam. Trust me, someone will notice.



I'd luagh my ass off if it was my firm that hired you. (pm to me which firm it was)