Thought this Christmas joke was funny......."Santa's Bad Day"

Santa's Bad Day

The Birth of a Tradition

One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting

ready for his annual trip, but there were problems everywhere. Four
of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the
toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the
pressure of being behind schedule.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit. This

stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them

were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out,
heaven knows where. More stress.

Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked,

and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider

and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that
the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In
his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke
into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went
to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the
broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the

door. He opened the door, and there was a little angel with a great
big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it

a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like
me to stick it?"

Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the

Christmas tree.

:lol:

here's another one I thought was funny..


Dorothy and Edna, two "senior" widows, are
talking.
Dorothy: "That nice George Johnson asked me out
for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted
to talk with you about him before I give him my answer."
Edna: "Well, I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctually at 7P.M., dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit, and he
brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a luxury car . . . a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then
he takes me out for dinner. . a marvelous dinner - lobster, champagne,
dessert, and after-dinner drinks. Then we go see a show . .
let me tell you, Dorothy, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from
pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an
ANIMAL. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and
has his way with me two times!"
Dorothy: "Goodness gracious! so you are telling me I shouldn't go
out with him?"
Edna: "No, no, no . I'm just saying, wear an old dress.