The Wheel of Misfortune: Compulsive Gambling Its affects on the family..

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To non-gamblers, even more to controlled gamblers, the idea that gambling may become compulsive (an addiction or a sickness) is incredible. It is not so difficult to believe that people can be alcoholics or drug addicts because, in those cases, something gets into the physical system. Nonetheless, the condition is real enough.

It begins for some when they are still young. It overtakes others later in life. It is more than just having an irresistible itch to gamble. Those who are affected vary considerably both in their personalities and in their positions in life. Their experiences of gambling and of its results in their lives have much in common but in detail there are considerable differences.

The onset of compulsive gambling may be prompted by circumstances. The beginning for some is an introduction to gambling which they recognise immediately as an inviting world. They enjoy the excitement and the whole atmosphere. Others win when first they gamble, and become convinced that they are lucky gamblers, a conviction which prompts irrational action. Others cannot endure being under pressure for money. The move from ordinary to compulsive gambling for these may start when they get married, when a child is born, or when for some other reason their responsibilities, domestic, financial or otherwise, are suddenly increased so that they are not sure how to handle them. They are faced with bills and not enough money to meet them. This is a common human experience but the compulsive gambler feels that the only answer is to gamble and try to win enough to pay them all at once.

However all that may be, the onset of compulsive gambling waits for an introduction to what may be called 'real' gambling, which is continuous and circular in its action. That 'action' moves rapidly and without pause from staking to the tension which is experienced while the card or wheel is turning, the dice rolling, or the race is being run, and so to release of tension when the result is known and then on to staking again. For those who can endure the extremity of excitement which this engenders, the 'action' produces an unbelievable degree of arousal of the whole person, so that it is like entering a new and wonderful world.

Compulsive gamblers are carried away by this and for them it becomes a squirrel's cage. Win or lose they cannot escape - this distinguishes them from heavy and professional gamblers. As time goes on they develop a need for the action. Because it contains the elements of tension and release, some observers have made a comparison with orgasm, and decided that, as an experience, gambling has more in common with breaking and entering than sexual intercourse.

If you must have the action and, win or lose, cannot leave it, then, because the odds are against you, you must lose till it hurts. This leads some, mistakenly I think, to say that compulsive gamblers are masochists. It is certainly a humiliating experience. It makes compulsive gamblers swear that they will never gamble again. They do though because their dream world capacity obliterates bad memories.

This dream world enables a compulsive gambler, on his way to the action with money in his hand, to know without any peradventure, that today he will advance, win after win, to that glorious consummation of the ultimate win which will cut down to size the man who broke the bank of Monte Carlo.

There can be no ultimate win for those who must continue to gamble. (When in Sydney, Australia, I heard of a man who cleaned up in a two-up school, and was so frustrated that the action had ceased, that he divided the money among his fellow gamblers to make a fresh start). However much is won on any occasion, or over a period, the end is the same: "...as usual I came out skint".

But the dream world continues into the aftermath. The gambler creeps away dejected, but later in his imagination goes over the proceedings again, making right decisions instead of wrong ones. then he emerges, widely smiling, smoking a large cigar, driving off in a splendid limousine, owning houses in every desirable place, and showering benefits on family, relations, friends and acquaintances. So confidence is re-built for the next time.

This kind of gambling is expensive. If people possess them, fortunes go. Those compulsive gamblers who have no fortunes find ways and means of financing their gambling. They use money which ought to be used for other purposes, and then borrow money more. This adds a new dimension, and both their indebtedness and their compulsion progressively increase. At first they must get money to gamble. Later, they must gamble to get money back.

There is no chance to stop and examine the situation. Their unusual degree of impatience makes them fretful to meet all demands now. They must gamble themselves out of the mess they have gambled themselves into. This is a new merry-go-round: to borrow, to gamble, to lose, and borrow again. Debts can reach staggering proportions because a compulsive gambler can charm money out of people. His dream world capacity enables him to concoct, quite believe and tell convincingly quite incredible stories. He develops a desperate urgency which overwhelms those whom he cannot quite convince.

Compulsive gambling eats into every part of the gambler's life. It destroys his integrity; it ruins his relationship with his family and he loses his friends. It crushes truth and consideration for others and his own self-respect. This is inevitable when his gambling costs far more money in a day than he earns in a week. This may mean the end of his job, but not of feverish activity.

He begs, borrows, lies, deceives, and in the end cheats, defrauds, and steals. He must find money each day to gamble. Sometimes he wins even enormous sums of money but none is sufficient. He tells himself that he is gambling to win enough to clear all his debts but even if he succeeded in that he would never pay more than the most pressing ones. The rest is money for more gambling. Even if he repays a debt he may well borrow more from the same person a few days later when his winnings are gone.

He has crisis after crisis, and until they can do it no longer his family feel compelled to help him out of his financial difficulties. Actually they do him more harm than good. He will promise never to gamble again, and even believes that he will not, but he will. He uses blackmail of a kind. His requests for money are urgent and come without warning. He will say to his in-laws: "If I don't have £100 before tomorrow I will go to prison." He is their daughter's or sister's husband. It is no concern of his that they put themselves in debt to get him out of trouble.

He endures mental suffering and physical depravation. He suffers terrible remorse for the harm he does his wife and particularly his children. He is also despised and rejected and quite alone.

He continues gambling only because it is his only hope of getting out of trouble and so justifying himself and all he has done. In time he hates not only gambling but also himself.

Eventually there is a crisis he cannot deal with. There is no one left from whom he can borrow and his creditors are pressing hard. He is in a corner. He may commit a crime. There are many compulsive gamblers in prison. He may attempt suicide. There are compulsive gamblers in psychiatric wards of hospitals. He may go to Gamblers Anonymous, where he would have the chance of finding a new life.

The compulsive gambler has been spoken of consistently, in this article, as a man. Only a few women have joined Gamblers Anonymous. There may be fewer women who suffer in this way. Certainly the social stigma attaching to excessive gambling is far worse in the case of a woman. Perhaps for this reason many hesitate to come forward.





Compulsive Gambling As It Affects The Family

Wives and other relatives suffer desperately. Wives are in most cases left short of money and the necessities of life, but that is only a small part of their suffering. They live with a Jekyll and Hyde, and do not understand him. As time goes on they are lost in a mist of uncertainty and this tends to erode their will to find a way out of it. They cannot plan, and their capacity to trust is destroyed.

They develop self-loathing as they become prey to bitterness, contempt and hatred. They despise themselves for what they say and do when bitter rows develop about money and domestic responsibilities.

The burden is made all the heavier because shame prevents them from sharing it with friends. Her family tell her that her husband is no good, and that she should leave him. In such a home there is no trust. Bewilderment gives way to bitterness and hatred. The stigma haunts them. Even if they have to ask for help in connection with material need, or physical or mental illness, they never mention the gambling, even if it all springs from that. They are likely to be ill-thought of as sluts or hypochondriacs, - the cause of circumstances of which they complain. Their health is impaired, sometimes permanently. Parents, when gamblers are single, are worn down financially and psychologically. Children, as they grow older, often suffer in their personal development from the inevitable tensions in the home.

Such people and such families somehow manage to overcome crisis after crisis. There comes a time, however, when the pain is too great and can no longer be endured. For both gamblers and their relatives there is a rock bottom, and they know when they have reached it. Then they look around for help, and in these days they can find it.


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you can read more here if you want http://www.responsiblegambling.org/e-library_most_recent.cfm
 

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