The Sports Movie Buff knows you don't want a bunch of nonsense about cinematography, character development and Federico Fellini in your film reviews -- you just want the inside skinny on the film's sports angles. And in that same spirit, he breaks down the Oscar favorites for this weekend's big night ...
First, I was really disappointed that "Closer" didn't get nominated because I had heard so many good things about the performances, especially Clive Owen's. And then I went and actually saw the movie, and realized it isn't about Mariano Rivera at all. So I say: Screw "Closer." How many postseason games did Clive Owen ever save?
On to the nominees ...
Best Picture
"Million Dollar Baby": Can somebody explain all the buzz around "Million Dollar Baby"? I heard so much about the shocking "twist" and how reviewers didn't want to reveal the "surprising" final half hour that I went into the theater expecting something big, like in "The Crying Game." You know, maybe Clint Eastwood finding out that Hilary Swank is really a man. Not only would that have been a plot twist, it would have made for a great follow-up to Swank's performance in "Boys Don't Cry."
But there wasn't any shocking plot twist. All the talk and the "spoiler" warnings are just studio hype.
A shocking plot twist is finding out that Bruce Willis' character was already dead in "The Sixth Sense" or that Kevin Spacey was Keyser Soze or that the Planet of the Apes was really Earth of the future. But this? The boxer gets hurt in the end? How does that differ from about every other boxing movie ever made? This isn't the best picture of the year -- it's little more than a remake of "The Champ" with "Shawshank Redemption" thrown in. I mean, Morgan Freeman playing a wise old man who provides narration throughout the film? I kept expecting Andy Dufresne to step into the ring.
"Finding Neverland": I'm sorry, but I spent the whole time drawing comparisons between J.M. Barrie and Michael Jackson. And that made me think of the various Jackson family performances in Super Bowl halftime shows. Which pretty much ruined the entire movie.
"Ray": When I heard part of it took place in Seattle, I thought for sure this was going to be a sequel to Ray Allen's last movie, "He Got Game." But it isn't. Practically the whole thing is about Ray Charles. Worse, they don't show any of his performances at World Series games. Weak.
"The Aviator": To be honest, I was in a bad mood when I saw this movie. To begin with, the theater started the movie five minutes late. And by starting the movie five minutes late, I mean, of course, they started the commercials and trailers five minutes late. Eight commercials (if there is any justice in the world, the people responsible for those damn Fandango spots are rotting in a tiger cage in Guantanamo Bay), six trailers (two of which, I swear, were for "Hitch") and a record 22 minutes later (everyone in my row was keeping track by the end), the movie finally started. And it was like three hours long! Sheesh, the Yankees play games quicker than that.
Howard Hughes winds up as crazy as Carl Everett and Milton Bradley combined, but I'm not sure how the movie finally turns out because I left early so I could get home in time for the second half of the Rose Bowl.
"Sideways": Paul Giamatti is the son of late baseball commissioner Bart Giamatti. I'll give the producers credit for this much -- they chose the right child of a commissioner. I just don't think the picture would've worked with Wendy Selig in the lead role.
So even though Giamatti spends the entire movie moaning about pinot noirs and chardonnays, "Sideways" gets my reluctant nod for best picture. Although I'd choose a six-pack of Old Style over a '61 Cheval Blanc, any day.
Best Actor
Don Cheadle in "Hotel Rwanda": I loved Cheadle's groundbreaking work in the NFL commercials; and when I heard the back-story buzz about how this was based on a real person who courageously led an exodus of doomed souls to deliverance from a national tragedy, I assumed -- like everyone else -- that the movie was about the Philadelphia Eagles. Then I got hit with a double-whammy -- the movie is about genocide in Africa, not Donovan McNabb; then the Eagles lost the Super Bowl. Disappointing.
Clint Eastwood in "Million Dollar Baby": How did he get nominated? Excuse me, but is Eastwood's grizzled old cuss in this movie not the exact same grizzled old cuss he has played in a dozen movies ever since he stopped playing grizzled young cusses? At least in the old days, Clint used to shoot people. Here, all he does is squint and talk about how lemon pie really makes his day.
(In his defense, he did a good job of training Hilary Swank to fight. Just imagine how differently "Boys Don't Cry" would have ended had she met Clint in that movie.)
Johnny Depp in "Finding Neverland": Sorry. I was thinking of the last scene where he adopts the little boy, and that gave me another creepy flashback to Jacko's performance in Super Bowl XXVII.
Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Aviator": Don't get me wrong. "Titanic" aside, I think DiCaprio is a hell of an actor. And he does a good job here. He's just wrong for the role. You look at him and just can't accept him as Howard Hughes. I mean, his facial hair is the worst this side of Jeff Kent.
Jamie Foxx in "Ray": Yeah, it's a great performance and he gets my nod for the award and he's going to walk away with the Oscar. But it still doesn't make up for that awful movie he was in a couple of years ago, "Any Given Sunday."
Best Actress
Hilary Swank in "Million Dollar Baby": You know another plot twist that would have been good? Sylvester Stallone jumping into the ring and getting knocked out in the 15th round, then Hilary grabbing him by the hair and forcing him to apologize for all the Rocky sequels. Plus "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot."
Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," Annette Bening in "About Julia," Catalina Sandino Moreno in "Maria Full of Grace" and Imelda Staunton in "Vera Drake.": I was too busy with my fantasy drafts to see any of these movies. But I did see the trailer for "Maria Full of Grace" and Sandino Moreno looked like she was probably pretty good in that. So that's who gets my nod, even though the movie appears to be about an impoverished woman forced to become a South American drug mule and not, as you probably think, about a leggy, blond, young Russian tennis star.
I'd pick the rest of the categories but "SportsCenter" is about to come on. Enjoy the Oscars!
Jim Caple is a senior writer at ESPN.com. His first book, "The Devil Wears Pinstripes," is being published by Plume and goes on sale March 2. It can be ordered through his Web site, Jimcaple.com.
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First, I was really disappointed that "Closer" didn't get nominated because I had heard so many good things about the performances, especially Clive Owen's. And then I went and actually saw the movie, and realized it isn't about Mariano Rivera at all. So I say: Screw "Closer." How many postseason games did Clive Owen ever save?
On to the nominees ...
Best Picture
"Million Dollar Baby": Can somebody explain all the buzz around "Million Dollar Baby"? I heard so much about the shocking "twist" and how reviewers didn't want to reveal the "surprising" final half hour that I went into the theater expecting something big, like in "The Crying Game." You know, maybe Clint Eastwood finding out that Hilary Swank is really a man. Not only would that have been a plot twist, it would have made for a great follow-up to Swank's performance in "Boys Don't Cry."
But there wasn't any shocking plot twist. All the talk and the "spoiler" warnings are just studio hype.
A shocking plot twist is finding out that Bruce Willis' character was already dead in "The Sixth Sense" or that Kevin Spacey was Keyser Soze or that the Planet of the Apes was really Earth of the future. But this? The boxer gets hurt in the end? How does that differ from about every other boxing movie ever made? This isn't the best picture of the year -- it's little more than a remake of "The Champ" with "Shawshank Redemption" thrown in. I mean, Morgan Freeman playing a wise old man who provides narration throughout the film? I kept expecting Andy Dufresne to step into the ring.
"Finding Neverland": I'm sorry, but I spent the whole time drawing comparisons between J.M. Barrie and Michael Jackson. And that made me think of the various Jackson family performances in Super Bowl halftime shows. Which pretty much ruined the entire movie.
"Ray": When I heard part of it took place in Seattle, I thought for sure this was going to be a sequel to Ray Allen's last movie, "He Got Game." But it isn't. Practically the whole thing is about Ray Charles. Worse, they don't show any of his performances at World Series games. Weak.
"The Aviator": To be honest, I was in a bad mood when I saw this movie. To begin with, the theater started the movie five minutes late. And by starting the movie five minutes late, I mean, of course, they started the commercials and trailers five minutes late. Eight commercials (if there is any justice in the world, the people responsible for those damn Fandango spots are rotting in a tiger cage in Guantanamo Bay), six trailers (two of which, I swear, were for "Hitch") and a record 22 minutes later (everyone in my row was keeping track by the end), the movie finally started. And it was like three hours long! Sheesh, the Yankees play games quicker than that.
Howard Hughes winds up as crazy as Carl Everett and Milton Bradley combined, but I'm not sure how the movie finally turns out because I left early so I could get home in time for the second half of the Rose Bowl.
"Sideways": Paul Giamatti is the son of late baseball commissioner Bart Giamatti. I'll give the producers credit for this much -- they chose the right child of a commissioner. I just don't think the picture would've worked with Wendy Selig in the lead role.
So even though Giamatti spends the entire movie moaning about pinot noirs and chardonnays, "Sideways" gets my reluctant nod for best picture. Although I'd choose a six-pack of Old Style over a '61 Cheval Blanc, any day.
Best Actor
Don Cheadle in "Hotel Rwanda": I loved Cheadle's groundbreaking work in the NFL commercials; and when I heard the back-story buzz about how this was based on a real person who courageously led an exodus of doomed souls to deliverance from a national tragedy, I assumed -- like everyone else -- that the movie was about the Philadelphia Eagles. Then I got hit with a double-whammy -- the movie is about genocide in Africa, not Donovan McNabb; then the Eagles lost the Super Bowl. Disappointing.
Clint Eastwood in "Million Dollar Baby": How did he get nominated? Excuse me, but is Eastwood's grizzled old cuss in this movie not the exact same grizzled old cuss he has played in a dozen movies ever since he stopped playing grizzled young cusses? At least in the old days, Clint used to shoot people. Here, all he does is squint and talk about how lemon pie really makes his day.
(In his defense, he did a good job of training Hilary Swank to fight. Just imagine how differently "Boys Don't Cry" would have ended had she met Clint in that movie.)
Johnny Depp in "Finding Neverland": Sorry. I was thinking of the last scene where he adopts the little boy, and that gave me another creepy flashback to Jacko's performance in Super Bowl XXVII.
Leonardo DiCaprio in "The Aviator": Don't get me wrong. "Titanic" aside, I think DiCaprio is a hell of an actor. And he does a good job here. He's just wrong for the role. You look at him and just can't accept him as Howard Hughes. I mean, his facial hair is the worst this side of Jeff Kent.
Jamie Foxx in "Ray": Yeah, it's a great performance and he gets my nod for the award and he's going to walk away with the Oscar. But it still doesn't make up for that awful movie he was in a couple of years ago, "Any Given Sunday."
Best Actress
Hilary Swank in "Million Dollar Baby": You know another plot twist that would have been good? Sylvester Stallone jumping into the ring and getting knocked out in the 15th round, then Hilary grabbing him by the hair and forcing him to apologize for all the Rocky sequels. Plus "Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot."
Kate Winslet in "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind," Annette Bening in "About Julia," Catalina Sandino Moreno in "Maria Full of Grace" and Imelda Staunton in "Vera Drake.": I was too busy with my fantasy drafts to see any of these movies. But I did see the trailer for "Maria Full of Grace" and Sandino Moreno looked like she was probably pretty good in that. So that's who gets my nod, even though the movie appears to be about an impoverished woman forced to become a South American drug mule and not, as you probably think, about a leggy, blond, young Russian tennis star.
I'd pick the rest of the categories but "SportsCenter" is about to come on. Enjoy the Oscars!
Jim Caple is a senior writer at ESPN.com. His first book, "The Devil Wears Pinstripes," is being published by Plume and goes on sale March 2. It can be ordered through his Web site, Jimcaple.com.
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