being john malkovich...i loved that movie.
if i could jump into barry bonds' body for one day...here's what i would do:
i would wake up and go to the ballpark. i'd hold a press conference in the morning and apologize for about 2 hours. i would say things like "sorry i was the world's biggest prick the last 12 years...i don't know what i was thinking".
then i would go inside the clubhouse and look at my balls to see how small they really are.
then i would take batting practice and hit baseballs into the ocean for around 45 minutes.
then i would go to denny's, get a superbird sandwich and a chocolate shake, and leave the waitress a $20,000 tip.
i would then hold another press conference and tell everyone that since 1998, my hat size went from 7 to 11.5 and i need three pillows at night just to keep my neck from snapping while i sleep. i would also say that babe ruth was the best player to ever play the game and that i dont deserve to break his or hank aaron's record.
then i would go home and apologize to all my rich, white neighbors who probably hate me more than anyone.
then right before i went to sleep i would go over to jose canseco's house...pick it up and throw it into the ocean.