General,
I think we're in agreement; I would be very reluctant to have back surgery myself.
It's your title of this thread that I disagreed with, ie. surgeons think they are surgeons, and if you're not interested in having surgery, you really are wasting your and their time. Don't try to make them something they're not, most of them are not Marcus Welby types with good bedside manners, and you really shouldn't expect them to provide pain management treatment in lieu of surgery. Surgeons routinely refer patients back to their primary care specialists for pain management care, and surgery should only be considered as a last resort.
You've heard about getting a second opinion before having surgery? Well I recommend a third and a fourth too. There are all kinds of pain management modalities used to treat back pain without surgery; in addition to the physical therapy, accupuncture, and chiropractic care already mentioned, one of the most successful involves anesthesiologist doctors injecting steroids and long term anesthetic agents into the spine.
Good luck getting treatment for your back problem, but don't blame the lion (surgeon) for being a lion (surgeon).