In the Year 2000 .....( In the Year 2 Thousand Sonnnnnn )
(From Late Night with Conan Obrien )
The legend of Johnny Appleseed will be tarnished, when it is revealed that he only planted apple trees to hide his marijuana crop.
Violence in the music business will reach a new peak, when rapper 50 cent is cut into quarters.
Michael Moore will protest the war in Iraq by going on a hunger strike. No one will notice for the first fifteen years
When it is discovered that it takes exactly 437 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, it will be announced that science is officially over.
A black man will be elected President of the United States. I'm sorry, that's in the year 10,000.
Madonna will launch a worldwide tour of over 200 cities. Not to perform songs from her new album, but to apologize for the movie, 'Swept Away'.
Clouds will not simply retain water but also bitch at their boyfriends.
Christina Aguilera will be rushed to the hospital for an emergency operation, but will almost die on the table when doctors realize that no amount of swabbing will make her clean for surgery.
Oral sex will be available in pill form. Unfortunately, it will be a suppository.
The American bald eagle will try to make up for it's baldness by buying a Porsche, and offering female eagles cocaine
The NFL hires O.J. Simpson to lecture players on the importance of waiting until after you retire before you stab two people to death.
Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman will finally give up and decide to become the same guy.
Winona Ryder will start acting in porno movies and not have to change her name.
In one of the most negative, ruthless presidential campaigns ever, candidates will run ads accusing their opponents of coming up with the idea for Jar-Jar Binks.
Viagra will no longer come in blue diamonds, but in orange moons, yellow stars and green clovers.
Scientists will discover the secret ingredient in Starbucks coffee: a chemical that makes people forget they are paying $4.00 for a cup of coffee.
A bitter Richard Gere will turn his back on Buddhism after his former friend, the Dali Lama beats him out for the lead in American Gigolo 2
A desperate, sex-starved Monica Lewinsky will be spotted licking rocks at the base of Mount Rushmore.
The public demand that the NBA expand to a 52 week schedule. Not for the love of the game, but to keep Shaquile O'Neil too busy to make lame movies.
An even more shocking home videotape of Pamela and Tommy Lee will come out. This one featuring the two of them adding and subtracting.
Jerry Seinfeld will leave television for a career in movies, forcing NBC to change their Thursday night slogan from 'Must See TV' to just another night of crap
Iraq will become the most powerful nation in the world thanks to their new leader, coach Bill Parcell.
The federal deficit will finally be wiped out when the US government begins betting against the New York Jets.
The planets Jupiter, Mars and Neptune will suddenly stop spinning when they realize they can get just as strong a head rush sniffing glue.
Scientists will discover the reason for the Loch Ness monster's seclusion. It doesn't like Scottish people.
God at last reveals himself to humans, who are shocked and appalled by his really bad comb-over.
Magician David Copperfield will finally reveal how he does his amazing tricks; He's Jesus.
Kato Kaelin, John Wayne Bobbitt and Joey Buttafuoco will launch a new theme restaurant: Planet Dumb-Ass!
Rock music will all be done by computers, and as a result, computers will get a lot more oral sex.
A 4,000 year old man will be found in the Alps—alive. His first words to his rescuer, "Wait a second, you're a guy and you're wearing an earring?"
The product 2000 Flushes will be renamed 'A Flush A Year Since Christ Was Born.'
Light will slow its speed down from 186,000 miles per second to 3 miles per second. But that'll still be enough to kick sound's ass.
Packaged toll house cookies will become so moist and chewy that people will no longer fear death
Black and white Americans will finally be brought together by the trial of Bryant Gumbel.
The man who caught Mark McGwire's 62nd homerun ball and then gives it back for free, winds up his triumphant world tour as the stupidest man who ever lived.
Bill Gates will be impoverished after spending all of his 70 billion dollars on research to fight dorkiness.
In an effort to attract more fans, opera will change its name to "Fat People Yelling."
Two billionaire balloonists successfully circumnavigate the globe setting a new record; not for distance, but for number of people who don't care.
''Spanking the Monkey'' will no longer be a euphemism for masturbation, but for disciplining your pet monkey.
The trend of making teen movies out of classic literature will continue when Dostoevsky's "The Brothers Karamazov" will be remade as "Boner Party USA".
Magician David Blaine will perform his most death-defying feat yet--spending ten minutes underneath Star Jones.
Scientists discover the reason moths are attracted to light is because they need light to be able to read their moth porn.
