'I MISS YOU MORE THAN EVER,' MET WROTE TO DEAD SON <!--end headline-->
<!--start byline-->By JENNIFER FERMINO and STEFANIE COHEN <!--end byline--><HR color=#000000 SIZE=1><TABLE cellSpacing=2 width=140 align=left valign="top"><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top><SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- if (results == -1) { var photo = ' '; document.write(photo); } //--> </SCRIPT><SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- if (results == -1) { var caption = ' '; document.write(caption); } //--> </SCRIPT></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>December 30, 2005 -- <!--start bodytext-->EXCLUSIVE
When grief overcame Jeff Reardon after his son Shane's death two years ago, the bereaved former big-leaguer turned to the Internet to work out his misery — writing a series of deeply personal letters to the young man "up there in heaven."
"Dear Shaner," the former Met and Yankee reliever wrote just weeks before he caved into the stress of his depression and robbed a Florida jewelry store. "I miss you more than ever, can't stop thinking of you. Love you, dad."
The first posting — in a guest book on the legacy.com Web site — came only a few weeks after the 20-year-old died of a drug overdose.
The former all-star and World Series champion thanked the many friends and family who had already posted their condolences after the funeral, including Shane's girlfriend, Alexa Afton, who posted lyrics to the couple's favorite song, "A Thousand Miles," by Vanessa Carlton.
Reardon wrote directly to his lost son. <!--OAS Middle-->
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"You have so many friends who are with you right now and you are with them, you are not by yourself. I am so proud of you, to see so many friends who care for you," he wrote.
"I always knew you were popular with everyone but to see this you have to be very happy and you always wanted to make your mom and dad happy and you did always . . . you know I will take care of your mom, [brother] jay and [sister] kristi. I am right next to you now and we are all together, mom jay and kristi and I will be next to you forever."
By May of that year Reardon was beginning to indulge in the cathartic effect of posting messages to his son on the site — putting his innermost feelings for his son online for anyone to see.
"I just wanted to let you know that I think of you every minute of the day," he wrote in his second posting. "I wish I could be right next to you taking care of you, but I have to take care of your mom, brother, and sister.
"We all will miss you at the lake this summer," he added. "I will always remember your big smile doing things on the lake and will miss going out on the lake with you . . . you were the best at making a campfire and taught all of us how to do it . . . we will have the best 4th of july in your honor."
But high hopes for a good summer were in vain. In October 2004, Reardon wrote of his inability to put the loss out of his mind even for a moment.
"Our summer has come to an end and it wasn't the same without you," he wrote. "The memories we have of you will never be forgotten. All the fires at the campsite you started weren't really there this summer because we missed you so much. You know i always loved the campfires but could not go out there because you were not there."
By Christmas of 2004, the pain for Reardon was starting to reach an almost unbearable crescendo.
"Your favorite day is here — xmas but it is sure hard for all of us to think of it as our favorite day without you opening presents with us and watching you put them away in your room," he wrote. "It was a very hard day but we got through it the best we could.
"I went to your grave," he added. "Mom had me put a candle there for you and I put the little dolphin you used to carry on your mirror in your car next to the candle . . . I miss you more than you can imagine."
Shane's birthday four days later only served to amplify the feelings that were starting to tear the ex-reliever's life apart — and became the occasion for two postings in just a few hours.
In the first he said simply: "Please come home, we need you with us."
Then — apparently unable to contain himself — the grieving dad returned to his computer to "talk" with his son for a second time.
"It was your 21st b'day today and we still can't believe you are not here," he wrote. "Mom and I went to your grave and of course we were very sad. Your friends had things there which made us happy they haven't forgotten especially the love of your life Alexa."
Yesterday, Alexa declined to talk. But her mom told The Post: "The family is devastated."
The pace of Reardon's postings increased this year.
In March, a trip to Sea World in Orlando caused a wave of memories — both happy and sad.
"It sure brought back good memories of all the good times we had together as a family all those years at the amusement parks but also was sad without you.
"It was so hard going on the roller coaster without you next to us knowing how much you loved them," he wrote. "When we got to the top I looked up and was reaching for you up there in heaven, I wish I could have pulled you back with us.
"I miss you more and more with every day and wish I could be with you but some day we all will be with each other."
On Father's Day, the grief was particularly poignant for the former pitcher.
"I want you to know I thought of you all day," Reardon wrote on June 20. "As time goes by it seems to get harder without you but we are trying our best."
Pals and supporters said after Tuesday's robbery attempt that some of the medication Reardon was taking were to ward off suicidal thoughts of the type he was apparently finding easier to express on the Internet.
In one such posting he said: "I can't wait until the day we meet again and are all together as one big happy family."
Reardon sometimes logged in to dash off quick notes to his son.
On June 16, he simply wrote: "Dear Shaner, Miss you more than you can imagine . . . I love you, Dad."
He also wrote in to keep his son "informed" on what he friends were doing:
"Many people stop at your grave and leave things for you. And I only wish you were there to collect them. You touched a lot of people in your short life.
"I'll write again I love you son."
Reardon — who is now free on $5,000 bail after being charged with armed robbery — made his last posting on the day after Thanksgiving, failing to send a Christmas message and saying nothing for Shane's birthday yesterday.
Reardon, 50, had been taking antidepressants to deal with his loss — along with additional meds for a recent heart operation — when he allegedly used a demand note to steal $170 from a Hamilton Jewelers store in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla., Tuesday.
He soon turned himself in, telling cops that he had "flipped" and "lost [his] mind" during the heist.
Family and supporters say the heist had no financial motive, as Reardon still had millions of dollars from his baseball career. They said the criminal outburst came only after long months of grieving for Shane. , jennifer.fermino@nypost.com
http://www.legacy.com/Berkshire/Gues...rsonID=1972700
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<!--start byline-->By JENNIFER FERMINO and STEFANIE COHEN <!--end byline--><HR color=#000000 SIZE=1><TABLE cellSpacing=2 width=140 align=left valign="top"><TBODY><TR><TD vAlign=top><SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- if (results == -1) { var photo = ' '; document.write(photo); } //--> </SCRIPT><SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- if (results == -1) { var caption = ' '; document.write(caption); } //--> </SCRIPT></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>December 30, 2005 -- <!--start bodytext-->EXCLUSIVE
When grief overcame Jeff Reardon after his son Shane's death two years ago, the bereaved former big-leaguer turned to the Internet to work out his misery — writing a series of deeply personal letters to the young man "up there in heaven."
"Dear Shaner," the former Met and Yankee reliever wrote just weeks before he caved into the stress of his depression and robbed a Florida jewelry store. "I miss you more than ever, can't stop thinking of you. Love you, dad."
The first posting — in a guest book on the legacy.com Web site — came only a few weeks after the 20-year-old died of a drug overdose.
The former all-star and World Series champion thanked the many friends and family who had already posted their condolences after the funeral, including Shane's girlfriend, Alexa Afton, who posted lyrics to the couple's favorite song, "A Thousand Miles," by Vanessa Carlton.
Reardon wrote directly to his lost son. <!--OAS Middle-->
<TABLE align=left><TBODY><TR><TD><SCRIPT language=JavaScript> <!-- OAS_AD('Middle');//--></SCRIPT></TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><!--/OAS Middle-->
"You have so many friends who are with you right now and you are with them, you are not by yourself. I am so proud of you, to see so many friends who care for you," he wrote.
"I always knew you were popular with everyone but to see this you have to be very happy and you always wanted to make your mom and dad happy and you did always . . . you know I will take care of your mom, [brother] jay and [sister] kristi. I am right next to you now and we are all together, mom jay and kristi and I will be next to you forever."
By May of that year Reardon was beginning to indulge in the cathartic effect of posting messages to his son on the site — putting his innermost feelings for his son online for anyone to see.
"I just wanted to let you know that I think of you every minute of the day," he wrote in his second posting. "I wish I could be right next to you taking care of you, but I have to take care of your mom, brother, and sister.
"We all will miss you at the lake this summer," he added. "I will always remember your big smile doing things on the lake and will miss going out on the lake with you . . . you were the best at making a campfire and taught all of us how to do it . . . we will have the best 4th of july in your honor."
But high hopes for a good summer were in vain. In October 2004, Reardon wrote of his inability to put the loss out of his mind even for a moment.
"Our summer has come to an end and it wasn't the same without you," he wrote. "The memories we have of you will never be forgotten. All the fires at the campsite you started weren't really there this summer because we missed you so much. You know i always loved the campfires but could not go out there because you were not there."
By Christmas of 2004, the pain for Reardon was starting to reach an almost unbearable crescendo.
"Your favorite day is here — xmas but it is sure hard for all of us to think of it as our favorite day without you opening presents with us and watching you put them away in your room," he wrote. "It was a very hard day but we got through it the best we could.
"I went to your grave," he added. "Mom had me put a candle there for you and I put the little dolphin you used to carry on your mirror in your car next to the candle . . . I miss you more than you can imagine."
Shane's birthday four days later only served to amplify the feelings that were starting to tear the ex-reliever's life apart — and became the occasion for two postings in just a few hours.
In the first he said simply: "Please come home, we need you with us."
Then — apparently unable to contain himself — the grieving dad returned to his computer to "talk" with his son for a second time.
"It was your 21st b'day today and we still can't believe you are not here," he wrote. "Mom and I went to your grave and of course we were very sad. Your friends had things there which made us happy they haven't forgotten especially the love of your life Alexa."
Yesterday, Alexa declined to talk. But her mom told The Post: "The family is devastated."
The pace of Reardon's postings increased this year.
In March, a trip to Sea World in Orlando caused a wave of memories — both happy and sad.
"It sure brought back good memories of all the good times we had together as a family all those years at the amusement parks but also was sad without you.
"It was so hard going on the roller coaster without you next to us knowing how much you loved them," he wrote. "When we got to the top I looked up and was reaching for you up there in heaven, I wish I could have pulled you back with us.
"I miss you more and more with every day and wish I could be with you but some day we all will be with each other."
On Father's Day, the grief was particularly poignant for the former pitcher.
"I want you to know I thought of you all day," Reardon wrote on June 20. "As time goes by it seems to get harder without you but we are trying our best."
Pals and supporters said after Tuesday's robbery attempt that some of the medication Reardon was taking were to ward off suicidal thoughts of the type he was apparently finding easier to express on the Internet.
In one such posting he said: "I can't wait until the day we meet again and are all together as one big happy family."
Reardon sometimes logged in to dash off quick notes to his son.
On June 16, he simply wrote: "Dear Shaner, Miss you more than you can imagine . . . I love you, Dad."
He also wrote in to keep his son "informed" on what he friends were doing:
"Many people stop at your grave and leave things for you. And I only wish you were there to collect them. You touched a lot of people in your short life.
"I'll write again I love you son."
Reardon — who is now free on $5,000 bail after being charged with armed robbery — made his last posting on the day after Thanksgiving, failing to send a Christmas message and saying nothing for Shane's birthday yesterday.
Reardon, 50, had been taking antidepressants to deal with his loss — along with additional meds for a recent heart operation — when he allegedly used a demand note to steal $170 from a Hamilton Jewelers store in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla., Tuesday.
He soon turned himself in, telling cops that he had "flipped" and "lost [his] mind" during the heist.
Family and supporters say the heist had no financial motive, as Reardon still had millions of dollars from his baseball career. They said the criminal outburst came only after long months of grieving for Shane. , jennifer.fermino@nypost.com
http://www.legacy.com/Berkshire/Gues...rsonID=1972700
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