Excerpts from his "World Cup" column today (courtesy of Deadspin):
If the government really is serious about identifying illegal immigrants, it soon will be provided a unique opportunity to record their whereabouts. All the Department of Homeland Security has to do is monitor the city-by-city television ratings of this month's World Cup soccer tournament. Agents should be dispatched to any area in which the ratings reflect an unnaturally high level of interest. That likely signals a concentrated pocket of illegals.
No matter which country wins, rest assured that thousands will die in worldwide rioting. I'm going to pick up the satellite feed of The Hooligan Network, direct from Europe. They show split screen: the soccer game on one half, fans clubbing each other on the other. Yes, America may be the only country that doesn't go goofy for soccer. We also are the only remaining super power. Don't you see a connection there?
If the government really is serious about identifying illegal immigrants, it soon will be provided a unique opportunity to record their whereabouts. All the Department of Homeland Security has to do is monitor the city-by-city television ratings of this month's World Cup soccer tournament. Agents should be dispatched to any area in which the ratings reflect an unnaturally high level of interest. That likely signals a concentrated pocket of illegals.
No matter which country wins, rest assured that thousands will die in worldwide rioting. I'm going to pick up the satellite feed of The Hooligan Network, direct from Europe. They show split screen: the soccer game on one half, fans clubbing each other on the other. Yes, America may be the only country that doesn't go goofy for soccer. We also are the only remaining super power. Don't you see a connection there?