Heard a couple good ones today that were new to me...
The Pirate:
The act of whacking someone in the eye with your penis after anally fornicating then kick them in the shin so they hobble around and squint like a pirate.
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06-21-2006, 06:08 PM
Heard a couple good ones today that were new to me...
The Pirate:
The act of whacking someone in the eye with your penis after anally fornicating then kick them in the shin so they hobble around and squint like a pirate.
The Houdini:
You come home with a girl after a nice dinner. As she goes to her room to "put on something more comfortable," you shit in her purse, fuck her dog and disappear.
Anyone got any other good ones?
The Houdini (joeyfitz style)
You are banging a bird from behind doggy style. When you know you are just about to cum grab the top of your cock and hold tightly. Next you quickly you spit on the girls back back several times, falsely creating the illusion (hence the houdini) you have just come all over her back (which she doesnt mind). As she turns to face you and give you a big smile you then point your knob in the direction of her face and let fly, jipping all over her face (also affectionatly known as the painter's radio). She'll be pissed but she'll get over it.
Nice!Originally Posted by joeyfitzclick
The Rusty Trumbone
This is a bit nasty for me but hell if you're into it good for you. You are standing upright completely naked. Your girl kneels down behind you facing your arse. You reaches out and kisses your chocalate baloon knot while simultaneously reaching around a stroking your dick in a straight line in out motion. If she's really good she will trumpet sounds too.
extraordinary sexual activities that can be performed by men:
1. Hot Lunch - While receiving head from a woman, you proceed
to shit on her chest. (A.k.a. the Cleveland Steamer)
2. The Stranger - Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep
and then jerking off, eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
3. Western Grip- When jerking off, turn your hand around, so
that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use. Hence, western.
4. The Blumpkin- You need to find a real tramp to do this
right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
5. Donkey Punch - Banging a girl doggy style and then moments
before you cum, sticking your dick in her ass, and then punching her in the
back of the head. This gives a tremendous sensation, but for it to work correctly,
the girl must be knocked out so that her asshole tightens up.
6. Golden Shower - Any form of pissing all over a chick (a.k.a.- watersports)
7. Pearl Necklace - Well known. Whenever you cum on the
neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry.
8. Coyote - This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty
wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However,
you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must
gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
9. Purple Mushroom - This occurs when a woman is giving you
oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek.
It should leave a lasting impression similar to purple mushroom.
10. The Flying Camel - A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees, you carefully balance yourself without using your arms to prop yourself up. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long, shrieking howl, much like a coyote. Strictly a class move.
11. Fishhook - A variation of the shocker in which you pull
back towards the ***** after you stick your finger up her anus.
12. The Ram - Again, you're attacking from behind, when you
start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The
force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy for those lulls in penile sensitivity.
13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before
you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together.
14. Jelly Dougnut: A derivation of the Bismark. All you have to
do is punch her in the nose while you are getting head.
15. The Woody Woodpecker: When a girl is sucking on your balls,
tap the head of your cock on her forehead.
16. Dog in a Bathtub - This is a proper name for when you
attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it
can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
17. Tossing Salad - Another prison act where one person is
forced to basically chow asshole with the help of whatever condiments are
available, i.e. Jell-O, olive oil, etc. I'm never going to prison.
18. Rim Job: Another name for tossing salad. Focuses on the use
of the tongue.
19. The Bucking Bronco- An all time classic. You start by going
doggy style on a girl and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab onto her tits or hips as tightly as possible and call her a big fat no-good worthless slob. More than likely, she will try to escape. This will give you the feeling of riding a bronco as she tries to buck you off.
20. Pink glove - This frequently happens during sex when a girl is not wet enough.
When you pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
21. The Fountain of You - While sitting on her face and having
her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure
as possible before releasing, spewing like a venerable geyser all
over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed).
22. New York Style Taco - Anytime when you are so drunk that
when you go down, you boot on her box. Happy trails.
23. The Dirty Sanchez - A time honored event in which while
laying the bone doggie style, you insert Your finger into said woman's asshole, pull it out, wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin, shit moustache. This makes her look like someone whose name would be Dirty Sanchez.
24. The Fish Eye - From behind, you shove your finger in her
ass (or his if you are in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed
winking motion to see what the hell you are doing.
25. Tuna Melt - You're down on a chick lapping away and
discover that it just happens to be the time of the month. By no means do you
stop though. When the whale spews, tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry
smothers your face.
26. Fur Ball - You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who
has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's Afro, when a mammoth fur ball gets lodged in your throat and causes you to beat the piss out of her.
27. The ChiliDog - You take a shit on a girl's tits and then
proceed to titty **** her.
28. Gaylord Perry: Going to only one knuckle during an anal
probe is for wimps. Make this famous knuckle ball pitcher proud and use multiple
knuckles on that virgin corn hole. A minimum of two knuckles required (either
on one finger or on multiple).
29. Rear Admiral: An absolute blast. When getting a chic from
behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to
anythingwhen she is bent over. Then, drive your hips into her backside
so that you end up pushing her forward. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun to have her trip on her face on the floor. You become an Admiral when you can push her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips.
30. Glass Bottom Boat: Putting saran wrap over your partners
face and proceeding to lay a hot shit there.
31. Ray-Bans: Put your testicles over her eye sockets while
getting head.
(Picture it: ass on forhead) It may be anatomically impossible,
but it is definitely worth a try.
32. Snowmobile: Always a blast. When getting a girl while she's
on all fours, sweep out her arms so she falls on her face.
33. Dutch Oven: Rather simple. Whenever you bust ass while in
the sack pull the covers over both of your head so she can enjoy your pork and beans as well.
Roman Helmet: Putting your nuts above her eyes and laying your limp penis down the bridge of her nose, like Roman helmets look like
LMAO, keep 'em comin' everyone...
SNOW BALLING:This is truely disgusting.
When 1 gay guy blows another and after he shoots his load in his mouth he then spits it back into the other guys mouth.
OMG this was NOT my intent when I started this thread. Wow, you may have ruined snowballs for me for life.SNOW BALLING:This is truely disgusting.
When 1 gay guy blows another and after he shoots his load in his mouth he then spits it back into the other guys mouth.
Car Wash - rubbing your hairy ass all over a girls face, giving her the view from inside the car similiar to that of a cheap gas station car wash
Pope, did he go???
Yes he did!
Alternate Definitions of Car Wash:
When a group of men stand in a line with their dicks hard and a girl runs back and forth letting the dicks smack her.
Walrus
When having sex or getting head, you cum in her mouth, then procede to punch her in the stomach while the load is in her mouth - causing the semen to come out her nose while she groans. creating two tusks and a sound like a walrus
ahahahhahh.. some of this shit is priceless..
Funny mental picture...
I will counter with this sir.
The Boston Red Sock:
After an anal rogering session, pulling out, and turning the anal lining inside out, then yelling "the red sox win the pennant! The red sox win the
pennant!"
I think I posted this in another thread a long time ago, but this is still an all-time favorite(posted on a website by a poster, and the response is equally hilarious...just read how angry he seems by the 1st definition):
Cincinnati Bow Tie (noun)
When a female or male has throat cancer and gets a breathing hole in the neck. Another male penetrates that hole with his penis. The rapid penetration causes the hole to bleed while the person is trying to breath out of the hole, causing the blood to spray in the formation of a bow tie. Made famous in the movie "40 Year old Virgin".
Re: Cincinnati Bow Tie
That is the worst definition for a Cincinanati Bowtie ever. Thats not what it is. It's when you reverse tittie fuck a girl so that your balls rest on her chest and make a fleshy bowtie. Your shit is disgustingly sick.
The first definition is definitely better. And I'm definitely trying to do that shit sometime.
Wow, just found another great one:
Bra Bronco, the (noun)
While you are having doggie style sex with a girl who still has her bra on, you grab the straps, tell her you have AIDS, and see how long you can hold on.
I definitely plan on doing this one. I love AIDS.
I like the second post better, just cause he is so pissed, and then calmly defines the real meaning, starting with "It's when you reverse tittie fuck a girl..."
hahahaha thats too good
"13. Bismarck- This is another one involving oral sex. Right before
you are about to cum, you pull out, shooting your load all over her face. Follow that with a punch and smear the blood and cum together."
have also heard that one called a strawberry shortcake LOL
Nice list we have here. I don't think I'll be able to pull of some of these, but I will make it a personal goal to at least attempt as many as possible. Will get back to you with the results. Don't know how my women is going to like me shitting on her chest.
The Ballcuzzi - Resting your balls in a cup of warm soda water. She blows into a straw in the Soda while jerking you off.
I just laughed for 10 minutes straight while I pictured the "Snowmobile" in action
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