ot: Need good advice from anyone who worked with family in a business!

DELSOLII · Mar 19, 2007

Greetings fellow posters.

Without getting into all the details, I have been working with some family members for several years. times have gotten tough, and so have certain personalities. I have been put into a very tough situation where if i appease my family, i will lose a wonderful relationship I have with my girlfriend and be miserable in a new job position with the company just to satisfy an older siblings insecurities. If i do not decided to do what they ask, I will be shun from my family and be given more guilt than you could possibly imagine.

I guess i was wondering if anyone else was in the same situation and what they did to resolve the issue in the best way possible.

Many posters have very good social sense and I have seen very strong advice given by strangers here. I apologize for bringing up a non gambling related topic, but that is why I am reaching out. I feel comfortable enough here to ask.

I am at a breaking point.

Thank you,

Sol II

JudgeWapner · Mar 19, 2007

Dude if your family can't see what's best for you and understand that, screw em.

Journeyman · Mar 19, 2007

Sounds like a communication problem that has reached its boiling point...like Judge W says, family should consider you as well, without knowing all the details it sounds like a way one street.

golfingarkansas · Mar 19, 2007

no win here, especailly witjhout good communication. Your smart enough to know your in a no win. So at this point it will take a sit down with "everyone" in involved and put it all out on the table.

Time to over communicate with everyone involved and then you have done all you can do

Your already at witts end, Or you can bail and never look back

DELSOLII · Mar 19, 2007

Judge, Journey and Golfing,

Thank you very much for responding so fast and with good advice. You guys have always been leaders here and have always stepped up to help others.

Yes, I am in a very tough bind. My family will not listen without converstaions ending in screaming matches.

I took the time to write a beautiful letter to my brother explaining things very clearly and respectfully. This was yesterday at noon. I have yet to hear a reply.

Furthermore, They have taken the path where they have used my 87 year old Grandmother to call me and tell me that I am breaking up the family, and that I do not love me brother.

This is too F%^ked up.

All I asked in my letter is that the best way to come to a conclusion is that he and I speak privately, without any outside influence, so that two brothers can talk. Great first step, right?

Nobody will pick up my calls when I call the office and I was excluded from Monday's office meeting. I assume it was to talk about me.

I am going to lose my family over this. I can feel it. I will lose either way.

Thank you once again.

Sol II

JudgeWapner · Mar 19, 2007

Sol, I hope it works out for you brother.

RacerX · Mar 19, 2007

DS-

I am in a family business also. Fairly large. I understand the dynamics you might or might not have...

Is the position a step up or step down? I assume a step down b/c your gf doesn't like it...

Why the step down? Is the brother that much more qualified?

Sorry for the personal questions, but it would help with the advice...

winbet · Mar 19, 2007

Dump the Bird, your Family probably see something you dont .:drink:

buddyboy · Mar 19, 2007

Fredo Corleone: I'm your older brother, Mike, and I was stepped over!
Michael Corleone: That's the way Pop wanted it.
Fredo Corleone: It ain't the way I wanted it! I can handle things! I'm smart! Not like everybody says... like dumb... I'm smart and I want respect!

whatever you do, don't go out fishing with your brothers bodyguard.

DELSOLII · Mar 19, 2007

Racer X said:
DS-

I am in a family business also. Fairly large. I understand the dynamics you might or might not have...

Is the position a step up or step down? I assume a step down b/c your gf doesn't like it...

Why the step down? Is the brother that much more qualified?

Sorry for the personal questions, but it would help with the advice...

Racer X,

You are right. I need to add more facts to make things clearer.

I got an email Friday, with a contract signed and dated by my brother and secretary stating that it needed to be signed by Monday 10am. I need to pack up everything, leave my girlfriend (who will be my future wife) and move to the usa in six weeks. No financial nor emotional security in this deal.
Besides my current duties as telemarking for new business in real estate, they had stated 12 other responsibilities that I would need to perform; this is still including a 65 hour week cold call marathon to get new business.
Most responsibilities could be done via the phone. The others I just am not qualified for nor have the time. We need additional help.
We do not have any other method in place that can bring in new business. No budget for print, radio or TV ads. Our doors are not being broken down by new agents that want to work for free in today’s market. I think that the best way to survive is to keep my job in place while looking for alternatives. In 2 1/2 years, nothing has been thought of to replace what I do. My work has been proven to generate business. It isn't pretty, but it works.
I can generate between 15 and 25 appointments a week. Take me off the phone, that number drops to 0 and we lose our competitive advantage.
Besides that, my brother is going through a depression and his marriage sucks. They think that by being by his side, all will change. They are willing to sacrifice my happiness for him. I can’t tell you how many times I have heard,” your brother is miserable, you must come home!”
The fact that he cannot communicate with me, uses my mom and grandma to make his point and gives me an ultimatum to sign is a horrible start.
Those are the facts. I do not believe I did anything wrong. Regardless, I am going to lose no matter what.
Yet, I feel great standing up for myself and not letting my family push me around. respect is a two way street.
This has left me no desire to go to the gym, I can't get into the mood with my gf. haven't slept well in days, can't eat. My back and neck are killing me.I usually am very happy, now I am a complete mess.

I look forward to your advice.

Regards,

Sol II

xpanda · Mar 19, 2007

Sounds like even absent the girlfriend issues, you're not too keen on this new job anyway. If you decline, and keep your current responsibilities, what would your family do? It sounds like you're indispensable in this role as telemarketer, so why would you lose your job and family?

In your shoes, I would call their bluff and put the ball back in their court. They are being completely unreasonable, demanding that you move halfway around the world and leave your fiancee.

And tell your brother to grow up. He's not the only one with personal issues outside of work.

RacerX · Mar 19, 2007

Sounds like it's a family real estate biz, which is horrible market to be in right now....even tougher being small, family owned, with no $ to back it up.

You being there is not going to make things better. It will be worse. You will be sitting there cold calling people all the while thinking "I would have had better results staying where I was..."

It will always be in the back of your mind and it will eventually blow up with your brother.

His depression isn't helping things. Trust me there. Have a sibling dealing with it and it will bring a company down. I pay her to stay away at this point....and your brother is running the company.

If the guy doesn't have the decency to call you back after you laid it out there in a heart felt letter....move on. I know it's cold and easier said than done, but you seem like the one with a decent head on your shoulders. He is going to run the company into the ground with or without you...that I can guarantee.

Come to a compromise...tell them you are only coming back if you can bring the gf. If they want or need you bad enough, they can accept this.

ProPokerPlayer · Mar 19, 2007

man whats the use being in a family buisness if they treat ya like a bum off the street??????? hell u could get better treatment than that anywhere...the ONLY reason they are abusing you is because YOU ARE family........i'd be as polite as possible and tell em your moving on.....

DELSOLII · Mar 19, 2007

xpanda said:
Sounds like even absent the girlfriend issues, you're not too keen on this new job anyway. If you decline, and keep your current responsibilities, what would your family do? It sounds like you're indispensable in this role as telemarketer, so why would you lose your job and family?

In your shoes, I would call their bluff and put the ball back in their court. They are being completely unreasonable, demanding that you move halfway around the world and leave your fiancee.

And tell your brother to grow up. He's not the only one with personal issues outside of work.

xpanda,

I did just that. I called their bluff and I did it with class and respect. I am not keen on the position. They are not taking into consideration my point. They don't listen.I have a very domineering older brother, a professional in gulit trips mother with a MASTERS in the subject and 12 part time agents who could only care where their next lead is coming from.

This is somethging that is private that should have not been discussed in front of others.I am sure he read my letter today in front of the whole company. It was for his eyes only.
It is a shame, but my family favors my brother because of his emotioinal situation. he fucked up his life, I didn''t. I smile, live in costa rica and I am always happy, don't blame me for that.

life is a struggle and tough, if someone seems to have found a way to make life's journey better, people should not interfer. They even had the balls to say that my personal life(GF) didn't matter and that I need to come home. I hate those two words, "COME HOME"
I am home!
It makes me regret getting into this in the first place. Don;t kid yourself, my job is not all wine and roses. I get hung up on for a living. I will never have a problem finding a job, this was something personal where I believe that I was doing things with the best intentions.

I want to thank everyone again for their help and concern. This is helping me more than you know.

Sol II

DELSOLII · Mar 19, 2007

Racer X said:
Sounds like it's a family real estate biz, which is horrible market to be in right now....even tougher being small, family owned, with no $ to back it up.

You being there is not going to make things better. It will be worse. You will be sitting there cold calling people all the while thinking "I would have had better results staying where I was..."

It will always be in the back of your mind and it will eventually blow up with your brother.

His depression isn't helping things. Trust me there. Have a sibling dealing with it and it will bring a company down. I pay her to stay away at this point....and your brother is running the company.

If the guy doesn't have the decency to call you back after you laid it out there in a heart felt letter....move on. I know it's cold and easier said than done, but you seem like the one with a decent head on your shoulders. He is going to run the company into the ground with or without you...that I can guarantee.

Come to a compromise...tell them you are only coming back if you can bring the gf. If they want or need you bad enough, they can accept this.

Thank you friend.

DELSOLII · Mar 19, 2007

ProPokerPlayer said:
man whats the use being in a family buisness if they treat ya like a bum off the street??????? hell u could get better treatment than that anywhere...the ONLY reason they are abusing you is because YOU ARE family........i'd be as polite as possible and tell em your moving on.....

I tried the best way I could. Still waiting to hear their response.

Thanks for your reply.

RacerX · Mar 19, 2007

I just reread your post.

I can't believe your brother told you you had to sign a contract to work as much as humanly possible. Does he have a contract? How much does he work per week?

He's setting you up to be the fall guy, brother.

You don't come home...it's your fault that the business failed
You go home...it's your fault that the business failed

And then to bring your mom and grandmother into it? That's just back channeling bullshit so that he doesn't take the fall.

Tell him to be a man and to start acting like one.

SHAWN GOTTI · Mar 19, 2007

A Wise Man Once Said.......money And Blood Dont Mix! Like Two Dicks And No Bitch....youll Find Yourself In Serious Shit!

JudgeWapner · Mar 19, 2007

Life is short blood. Do what brings you happiness. I love my family but don't live me life to please them.

DELSOLII · Mar 19, 2007

Racer X said:
I just reread your post.

I can't believe your brother told you you had to sign a contract to work as much as humanly possible. Does he have a contract? How much does he work per week?

He's setting you up to be the fall guy, brother.

You don't come home...it's your fault that the business failed
You go home...it's your fault that the business failed

And then to bring your mom and grandmother into it? That's just back channeling bullshit so that he doesn't take the fall.

Tell him to be a man and to start acting like one.

I am the first to say that he has the most on his plate. I cannot compare apples to oranges, but he works very hard. This I will not dispute. But, they think that since I live here, my job is easier. Actually, it is brutal. The only way I can make 400 calls a day is because I have Costa Rica and a wonderful woman in my down time. That is needed to recharge the batteries so I can do the same thing over again the next day.
Ask around, nobody wants to make cold calls for a living. But, it is a means to an end and I am personally willing to take this responsibility to at least give those hope that potential business is still out there.
I am not asking for anyone to choose sides. But I am pleased to see that many can fully understand my position and think like I do.

Every minute that passes, I get more disappointed that I haven't heard anything. It is tough to stay focused.

Racer X, thank you once again. You're the man.

Sol II