Henny Youngman, King of the one-liner!

Biggamer3 · Sep 6, 2007

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Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

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I was playing golf. I swung, missed the ball, and got a big chunk of dirt. I swung again, missed the ball, and got another big chunk of dirt. Just then, 2 ants climbed on the ball saying, "Let's get up here before we get killed!"

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My horse's jockey was hitting the horse. The horse turns around and says "Why are you hitting me, there is nobody behind us!"

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There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

[/FONT][FONT=Arial,Helvetica,sans-serif]His motto is "Love Thy Neighbor". His neighbor is an 18 year old hooker.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
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Just bored, anyone want to throw out some one liners?

VIEJODINOSAUR · Sep 6, 2007

The most famous one....Take my wife....PLEASE!

Biggamer3 · Sep 6, 2007

VIEJO DINOSAUR said:
The most famous one....Take my wife....PLEASE!

How about, "today i went on a pleasure trip, i took my mother in law to the airport"

VIEJODINOSAUR · Sep 6, 2007

How about "today I took my wife to somewhere she has never been, the Kitchen"

Biggamer3 · Sep 6, 2007

VIEJO DINOSAUR said:
How about "today I took my wife to somewhere she has never been, the Kitchen"

A drunk is brought to court, Judge says "You have been brought here for drinking" Drunk replies "Lets get started then"

mamatried · Sep 6, 2007

I went to a psychiatrist.

He told me I was crazy.

I said "I want a second opinion".

He said "OK, you're ugly, too."

steaktartar · Sep 6, 2007

I Went To My Dentist I Told Him My Teeth Were Yellow...he Told Me To Wear A Brown Necktie

CookieNBabe · Sep 6, 2007

A few from Rodney........Im tellin ya.......

I met the surgeon general......he gave me a cigarette.

A hooker told me once she had a headache.

I went to a massage parlor.......it was self service.

A girl phoned, she said "come on over, nobodys home"...I went over, nobody was home!

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me.....just the other night she called me from a hotel.

my father was stupid. He worked at a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

my grand dad was stupid, why during the civil war he fought for the west.

I remember when I was kidnapped, they cut off a finger and sent it to my father....he said he wanted more proof.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying I said are you going to hate yourself in the morning, she said NO, I hate myself NOW.

skinnylarry · Sep 6, 2007

Rodney - " My Doctor Told Me To Watch My Drinking ,,,,,,,,, Now I Drink In Front Of A Mirror ---------- I Went To A Hooker,,, I Dropped My Pants She Dropped Her Price ! ------------ Married Life Aint That Great Either You Know , You Wind Up With A Mother-in-law That Sucks And A Wife That Doesnt ! My Doctor Told Me He Needed A Stoole Sample A Urine Sample And A Semen Sample,,, I Said Ill Save You Time Heres A Pair Of My Underwear !