Bundchen: 'If the Pats Lose, I'll Run Naked Through Mid-Town Manhattan'

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Bundchen: 'If the Pats Lose, I'll Run Naked Through Mid-Town Manhattan'


</TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD width=10> </TD><TD><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width="100%" border=0><TBODY><TR vAlign=top><TD noWrap>Feb. 1, 2008
By The Sportsman's Daily
Special to CBSSports.com </TD><TD width=10> </TD><TD align=right><TABLE cellSpacing=0 cellPadding=0 width=0><TBODY><TR><TD><SCRIPT type=text/javascript><!--//var dclkFeaturesponsor='http://ad.doubleclick.net/adj/cbssports/'+vTag+';'+vTarget+';'+uID+';sz=400x60;tile=7;ord='+random+'?';if (switchDclk != 'off') { if (location.search.substring(1).indexOf('DCLK')>-1) document.write('<input type="text" value="'+dclkFeaturesponsor+'" style="width:400px">
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<!-- T10613134 --><!-- Sesame Modified: 02/01/2008 18:12:02 --><!-- sversion: 5 $Updated: rliwag$ -->FOXBOROUGH, Mass. (Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) -- Winning isn't everything, particularly if losing means you get to glimpse Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen striding naked down the Great White Way. A trip to the Super Bowl has suddenly presented the Patriots with an unexpected dilemma: a choice between a perfect record and beholding the perfect body, unclad and in motion.
In the aftermath of their 21-12 victory over the San Diego Chargers, Tom Brady's celebrated girlfriend startled onlookers by promising to run naked down Broadway in the unlikely event the Patriots lose to the Arizona-bound N.Y. Giants -- unlikely until the very moment she parted her full lips and made the surprise announcement.
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</TD><TD width=15> </TD></TR><TR><TD width=225>Gisele Bundchen (Getty Images) </TD><TD width=15> </TD></TR></TBODY></TABLE>"Never in a million years did I think I'd have a problem motivating a team heading into the Super Bowl," said Patriots coach Bill Belichick. "Gisele opens her big mouth and look at 'em -- half the guys are staring into space, the others are leering like they've just stumbled onto their uncle's private porn stash. And who can blame them -- that's one fine specimen. But this is a completely new wrinkle ... though wrinkle is probably the wrong word, as I've seen Gisele in a thong, and trust me, that butt's tighter than a fine-tuned snare drum."
Most of the players interviewed refuse to let the indelible image of Gisele Bundchen gamboling gazelle-like though the streets -- if a gazelle were 5-11 with perfect breasts and generated enough heat to thaw 30 square miles of permafrost -- to become a distraction.
"To be perfectly honest, she's been a distraction the moment we saw pics of her on the beach with T.B. in the offseason," said linebacker Mike Vrabel. "Those legs, that butt, those lips. Thankfully we've got football to release the sexual tension. Bringing an erection onto the field is never a good idea, particularly for a linebacker who relies on lateral pursuit to be effective."
When she learned of the players' reaction to her provocative remark, Bundchen immediately tried walking it back.
"It was a mistake and I'm sorry I said it. I don't know what I could have been thinking -- Midtown Manhattan is a parking lot any time of day or night. It'd take 30 minutes just to make it from the Theater District to 34th Street. And what if I ran into the Naked Cowboy and had to pose for pictures with every out-of-town Tom, Dick and Harry? Tack on another 30 minutes, easily. How 'bout I simply flashed my breasts from a billboard in Times Square and call it a day ... will that work?"
Not for Tedy Bruschi it won't.
"To me, a perfect season is winning the Superbowl AND getting to see Gisele naked. So no matter how you slice it, a perfect season is no longer possible. We win, we have to live with the thought of Gisele's legs wrapped around Tom's neck, rolling around on some beach somewhere. And if we lose, everything we've accomplished is out the window. I wonder if Gisele has a sister*. What's the temperature in Rio this time of year?"
Giants coach Tom Coughlin suspects there's more to Bundchen's announcement than meets the eye and detects a whiff of classic Belichick gamesmanship.
"Belichick is behind this, I can smell it. He wants us going into the game thinking his team is distracted and conflicted. First off, I'm not going to have the girlfriend of an opposing quarterback run naked on our home turf. Second, if Bill wants to play that game, fine. If the Patriots win, our offensive line will run buck naked through the streets of Foxborough. That's over 1,000 pounds of highly repulsive man-meat. Your move, Belichick."
Rich Peltz, a Giants fan from Weehauken, N.J., captured the sentiment shared by football fans around the country who've been waiting and hoping for the insufferably smug Patriots to stumble.
"I haven't been to a Broadway show in over 20 years. But Gisele Bundchen naked, with Tom Brady watching helplessly on the sidelines, now that's one show I'd pay Broadway prices to see."
* Gisele has five sisters, one for each of the Patriots' starting linebacker corps, with two to divide up among the team's secondary: Raquel, Graziela, Gabriela, Rafaela and her fraternal twin Patrícia.
For more satirical stories like this, check out The Sportsman's Daily homepage.

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Also headlining The Sportman's Daily Homepage today..

Cloverfield Monster to Battle Barry Bonds in Sequel!!

Horn in the USA. A five-hundred foot mutant, horned Barry Bonds who is raging on nuclear steroids leaves San Francisco to trample America en route to New York to battle the mighty Cloverfield Monster

SAN FRANCISCO, CA (Sportsman’s Daily Wire Service) As the country’s number one film continues to generate a buzz with moviegoers, the proposed sequel already has Tinseltown in an uproar. The Cloverfield Monster, under studio wraps for so long, finally showed himself to nationwide audience’s delight and fright. Now he’ll flex his stuff against another five hundred foot tall monster, Barry Bonds. The former San Francisco Giants slugger, and all-time homerun champion, who disappeared in recent days, emerged from the bone-chilling waters of San Francisco Bay as motorists crossed the Golden Gate Bridge at rush hour.


Read More..


wil..:monsters-

C'mon Giants!

New York, Boston Mayors Wager Their Homeless in Super Bowl Bet
There is a lot more than the Lombardi Trophy on the line this Sunday. There are also some 35,000 homeless people up for grabs, too.
A friendly Super Bowl wager between the mayors of New York and Boston means tens of thousands of homeless will find a new home based on the outcome of Super Bowl XLII. New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Boston Mayor Thomas Menino placed the bet on Tuesday, and the losing city will be sent the winner’s entire homeless population.
“We wanted to make a meaningful bet,” said Bloomberg. “None of this: ‘We’ll give you New York pizza and bagels if we lose and you give us chowder if we win’ crap. That’s been done a thousand times before and it’s all meaningless. We wanted to make a bet with some consequence.”
While Menino originally had the idea of pitting New England clam chowder versus Manhattan clam chowder, he says he liked Bloomberg’s idea much better.
“Can this city support or afford to take on the influx of 20,000 homeless people bussed up here from New York?” posed Menino. “Of course not. That would decimate our resources and our streets would be choked with the urine-soaked rift raft. But we’re two touchdown favorites. It’s a lock. I’ve already started loading up our homeless into garbage trucks to ship them down to New York. I’m going to become governor off of this bet.”
Bloomberg acknowledges his Giants are a long-shot to win, but feels the risk is worth taking.
“Giulani tried shipping the homeless out to New Jersey, but they eventually worked their way back, just like any rodent,” said Bloomberg. “And with the economy faltering, we’re only going to get more. So this is my shot in the dark to clean them off the streets once and for all. If the Giants lose and we get all of Boston’s homeless? Hey, no harm no foul. They can all huddle together for warmth.”
Muskrat Mike, a vagabond who has roamed the streets of New York for 20 years, says he would welcome a change of scenery and hopes the Giants win so he can be shipped off to Boston.
“The world is a big place. There are so many more park benches to sleep on, so many more stairs to cower under during a rain storm,” said Muskrat Mike. “I want to get out of New York. But I don’t know if I can leave because of the microchip the government put in my brain. In my brain! The government is trying to kill us all! Conspiracy! Conspiracy! Conspiracy!” he added, reaching into his pants to fling a log of feces at a passerby.

In a non related story..

Barry Bonds Promises To Hit Home Run for Perfectly Healthy, Rich Kid..

SAN FRANCISCO, CA. (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) – Just days before his twenty-first birthday, H. Prescott Kent of the Southampton, New York Kents, learned he'd be receiving an unusual present. Controversial homerun slugger Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants announced he would hit a homerun for the young, cultivated eligible bachelor. Kent says he's not a baseball fan, but may look in on the proceedings in a game scheduled against the New York Mets on Tuesday, May 29th at Shea Stadium. "It's nice of Mr. Bonds to do whatever he's going to do for me," Kent said. "If I'm so inclined, I may take in the game live or watch it in Daddy's study."

Read More..


wil..:grandmais

Giants Promise Dying Fan That They’ll Cover the Spread for Him
The New York Giants are not the kind of team to make boasts or guarantees, but when faced with the pained pleas of a young fan nearing his last breaths, the team was willing to make an exception.
“Yes, Billy, we promise. We promise. We’ll do it for you,” quarterback Eli Manning whispered to young Billy Whipple at New York Children’s Hospital hours before the team boarded a plan for Arizona and Super Bowl XLII. “We’ll cover the spread for you.”

Going against the undefeated New England Patriots on Sunday, the Giants face a tough task in getting the win. But covering the 12-point spread is much more manageable. And it’s all a dying boy wants before he says goodbye to the world.
“Look, dying before you turn 10 makes you a realist,” said Whipple. “I know the world is not a happy place full of fairy tales. Frankly, it sucks. Exhibit A ... my life. So while my body may be coursing with drugs, I still have my brain. I’m not going to waste a dying wish asking the Giants to beat the Patriots. That’s like one in a million. Like I need something else in my life not to work out as planned. Covering the spread, though, is doable.”
And with young Billy as their inspiration, the Giants plan to do just that.
“Look, we never thought we’d get here and we’re just happy to have made it,” said defensive end Michael Strahan. “No one expects to win. We just wanted to have fun while we were here. But Billy has focused our determination and changed our expectations: we want to cover that spread. We’ll do whatever it takes. Trick plays, two-point conversions – anything to lose by 11 points or less and bring some joy to this poor boy.”
In addition to the pleasure of watching his favorite team not get completely humiliated in the Super Bowl, Billy says he has another reason for his dying wish.
“My parents are, like, $475,000 in debt because of all of my medical expenses,” he says. “So I told my dad to put up the value of our house on the Giants covering. Let’s hope they do or I’m not going to be the only one on borrowed time.”

Tom Brady Spotted Wearing a Protective Helmet
Fears that New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady is less than 100-percent were stoked anew today with pictures released from practice showing the MVP wearing some sort of protective headgear.
“Clearly, the Patriots are worried that Tom Brady can not sustain a blow to the head,” said NFL analyst Boomer Esiason. “There appears to be heaving padding more than an inch thick inside a hard plastic shell all around his brain, and continuing down to his jaw line. And then there is a sort of protective mask directly in front of his face. It definitely raises questions.”
Others were alarmed by the markings on the outside of the protective headgear.

“Why were Patriots logos put on each side of the headpiece,” wondered NFL analyst Mark Schlereth. “Does he need a reminder about what team he plays for? Is he so concussed that he can’t even remember that simple piece of information? That must be why they have his head so excessively protected.”
With the protective helmet sighting coming on the heels of Brady being spotted wearing a protective boot, Patriots fans are understandably worried that their longtime hero and leader is no longer up to the task.
“From his head to his toes, literally, Tom Brady is now covered in some sort of protective gear,” said a caller to Boston’s WEEI sports radio. “I hate to say this, but we should just put him out of his misery. We should do the humane thing and kill him like Barbaro. No one wants to see him suffer anymore. And no one wants to see the Patriots go to even more desperate measures to protect him. What’s next? Protective gear on his shoulders? On his hips? On his thighs? No. It’s gone far enough. Belichick needs to take him out into the woods and put an end to it all.”

Alien from Cygnus Star System to Break Species Barrier in Baseball..

X-^g^*xC To Dress for SF Giants in Spring Training Game.

A recently de-classified photo of Jackie Robinson posing with X-^g^*xC, whose fastball was then clocked at 153 miles per hour. After years of strength training and learning proper mechanics, X-^g^*xC can now crank a two-seamer at an otherworldy 212 mph.

JS Audio Exclusive! X-^g^*xC​

talks trash. Translation: "Fastball down the middle, belt high. Hit that beeyatch!"

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]SCOTTSDALE, AZ (The Sportsman's Daily Wire Service) [/FONT]— The year was 1947. The great Jackie Robinson tore down the archaic racial divide that prevented African-Americans from playing Major League Baseball. But that very same year, unbeknownst to Robinson and most Americans, and more than halfway across the country, an alien spaceship crashed in Roswell, New Mexico igniting a controversy which has been hotly debated to this day; namely the existence of intelligent life outside our solar system. But now believers in the massive Roswell Cover-up have been rewarded. X-^g^*xC, the alien who was recovered from the crash is alive and well and plans on showing off his rather dazzling baseball skills as a member of the San Francisco Giants during spring training.

X-^g^*xC is four gronjars old, or approximately 234 years old by Earth standards. However, in the life expectancy of Cygni-Zorfenons, who normally live to be around 1,450 earth years old, he is on par with a teenager. “X-^g^*xC is just kid,” said new Giants manager Bruce Bochy. “But he really knows how to pitch and throws the ball about three Zordaps a Fliz, which, if I understand my Cygnian Zol Mu correctly equals about 212 miles per hour. I can’t wait to see Albert Pujols try and catch up with some of that shit.”

X-^g^*xC is excited about playing and breaking baseball’s “don’t ask-don’t tell” long-standing species barrier. Commissioner Bud Selig had considered allowing humanoids from the Andromeda Galaxy to participate in an barnstorming tour of Japan in 2004, but ultimately decided against it. That same year he contemplated allowing a dolphin and a NASCAR fan from Muncie, Indiana to bring out lineup cards.

X-^g^*xC has been living on a restricted underground base near the famed Area 51 and his existence was a highly guarded secret. But with the work of NASA, the space programs of China and India, the Cygni-Zorfenon High Council and former major leaguer Sal Bando, the cat is out of the bag. Or, more accurately, the little grey guy with the freaky black eyes is out of the cryogenic chamber.

Through a highly complex decoding mechanism, X-^g^*xC has been able to communicate with his new teammates and the press. “I was way off course when I crashed here,” gurgled the alien visitor. “I was on my way to Trelisian X4 when I took a wrong turn at Jygraliscon. Then, lo and behold I’m in the New Mexico desert. I was all set to obliterate humankind for all time when I heard a Dodgers game on the radio, and I thought to myself, ‘you know, any species who could come up with a game like this isn’t worth wiping out. At least for the next two or three flisterdims.’ Now look at me, I’m set to make a cool twelve million this year if I break training with the team and hit all my incentives. What a country.”

Tom Brady Looks Off Receiver, Breaks Receiver’s Heart
Patriots quarterback Tom Brady dropped back Monday night, looked left and made eye contact with receiver Chad Jackson, who was running a post route. But just as soon as Brady’s gaze began melting Jackson’s heart, the dreamy quarterback quickly pivoted to his right, spotted slot receiver Troy Brown on a slant pattern, and hit Brown with a pass square in the numbers for a first down. The entire play took less than seven seconds, but it was more than enough time to leave Jackson out of breath and mending a severely broken heart.
“You just don’t know what it’s like to have Tom Brady look into your eyes like he wants you and only you, only to then see him go with someone else,” said Jackson, a rookie out of Florida. “He got my hopes up and then ripped my heart right out. But I forgive him. You can’t help but forgive someone who looks like that.”
Brady said he remembers the play well and that he did not intend in any way to give Jackson the wrong idea.

“I was intending to go to Troy from the moment I got up to the line,” said Brady. “But I wanted to look Chad’s way coming out of my drop so the linebackers would move his direction and give Troy some room to run.”
But Brown, Brady’s longtime teammate, said he can understand why the rookie got his emotions caught up in the play.
“I was the same way once,” said Brown. “When Tom arrived here as a rookie in 2000, I looked into his eyes on the first day of training camp and immediately fell head over heels. His gaze made me reevaluate everything I thought I knew about myself. My sexuality. My marriage. But eventually I had to realize that he was unattainable and that I had to live without him, save for those three or four times every Sunday he looks my way and picks me out of everyone else. I live for those moments. But beyond that I am no longer a slave to Tom Brady. Although I still don’t dare meet his gaze in the huddle or I get wood. And then it makes all those old feelings rush back, not to mention that running a route is kind of difficult with an erection.”
Jackson says he’ll probably have to get used to having a broken heart because he is madly in love with his handsome quarterback.
“On the bright side, this will probably make me a better wide receiver,” said Jackson, “because I’m going to work my tail off to get Tom to look my way more often each game. And if that results in a bunch of touchdowns where he hugs me and we jump up and down together while continuing to embrace, even better.”
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My last one ....


Matt Leinart fulfills lifelong dream of hosting a Super Bowl party
After just two years in the NFL, Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart is ready to fulfill a career-long dream: hosting a party at the Super Bowl.
“This is something I’ve dreamed about since I was a kid,” says Leinart. “Everything I’ve worked for was for this moment. Just kicking back, having a house full of B-list celebrities, getting wasted and sharing my chlamydia with as many hot ladies as I can.”
Despite being initially disappointed at being drafted by Arizona in 2006, Leinart says he quickly changed his tune upon learning the team would be host to this year’s Super Bowl.
“I wanted to go to a good team that would play in Super Bowls,” said Leinart. “With my skills on a good team, I would be a backup and I could just party it up at the Super Bowl without having to worry about playing. That’s living the dream. But being on the team in the host city is the next best thing. And thank God I got injured and off the field because I’ve had months to plan everything for the party. It’s been a great year for me.”

5teamparlay said:

when Will She Do This?????

Click to expand...

You're not serious, are you?

I'd do her :bunnies:

F'n amateurs:

Personally, I think she is very overrated. I mean have you seen Adriana Lima or Heidi Klum. She is tall and foreigner, she is automatically given the hot label.

she is ugly
nice body

For some reason I prefer Gisele over Lima or Klum and the other VS big names...something about her is just so damn sexy compared to the others.

Love this one too.