Sad Sad Day today, Dont know what to do

Jabow · Mar 29, 2008

Today is a sad day indeed, My daughter is over for a couple of days,
she stays with her mom, she loves the computer and downloaed a new version of messenger on my laptop, any way

I was going through the new messenger, and came across something about logs, I went into it,

Incidently, my daughter has been using my computer when I went to work etc the last couple of days, well

the messenger, has recorded (logged) mine and her conversations.

I browsed through the log and say conversations with friends, some of them disturbing, and she's thirteen, some excerpts are

1. some guy asking to see skin,,,via the webcam
2.some guy saying he want to be the first
3.another wanting to "come over"
4. she somehow acted well, by just saying lol, lol, etc but its quite disturbing
5. talking with her mom, and things that was said make me think alot, women, big and small are devious

Im too upset to write more,

The old saying is what you dont know cant hurt you, and thats so true

shdw01 · Mar 29, 2008

wow, that is shocking i bet.

First of all, shame on you for going PI on her.

But in this case, good thing you did. She sounds like she has a good grasp on how to handle.

I'm not a parent so take my advice with a grain of salt.

But I think you should mention you came accross the conversation and instead of warning her, tell her how proud you are of the way she handled it....you are sorry you read it, but reiterate how glad you are she is growing up to be such a responsible young woman. You can say how scary these wackjobs are but main thing is compliment her and she might not get defensive and do the opposite (thats what they do on TV)

dinger · Mar 29, 2008

guess she didn't read your other thread

http://www.therxforum.com/showthread.php?t=567486

Jabow · Mar 29, 2008

some freinds are saying how hard it is with teen age kids, but you dont know what its like until you experience it for your self

quot7quot · Mar 29, 2008

Take her to church tomorrow.

barman · Mar 29, 2008

It's a tough situation.

My daughter is now 19 and has become pretty self sufficient as an adult so at least I can pretend she didn't do anything horrible while underage.

IM conversations should be private and not subject to inspection by you, JABOW, especially if they are with her mother (who I presume is not living with you based on how you worded this)

Sure, there's a chance she'll IM with pervs or dumbass guys her own age range (or both). But that simply calls for you to limit her time on the web and also to sensibly educate her about EASY it is for people to be deceptive on the web so she should NEVER tell anyone she will "meet them" without adult chaperone(s).

If she wants to "meet someone" and really feels the person is legitimate in her age range, there should be no problem with her arranging to do it with you and/or her mother there in some kind of public setting (bowling, skating, public park etc).

If the "someone" refuses to meet with such supervision, she should be educated that it's 99.9% likely the person is a phony and possibly dangerous.

betedgeonly · Mar 29, 2008

Jabow said:
some freinds are saying how hard it is with teen age kids, but you dont know what its like until you experience it for your self

In your first post that I read I believe you did the right thing. Your house, your rule's until she is 18. There is a way to be respectful about the situation while also keeping your cool and an open line of communication. She should have some privacy, but not sexual. Just my opinion my friend. I hope all turns out well. Maybe spend a little more time with her also and get tto know who she hang's out with. Peace.

beo

barman · Mar 29, 2008

As someone who is fairly expert on Bad Taste Humor, I'll applaud BULLRING...dude, you made a couple funny cracks.

Now shut up, already. You're in the wrong thread and you're way out of line cracking on BEO's baby.

====
FOR THE RECORD to other RxForum friends...That pretty baby looks a LOT more like her mother than she does BEO. But she may later in life have a great softball swing to balance things out.

betedgeonly · Mar 29, 2008

barman said:
As someone who is fairly expert on Bad Taste Humor, I'll applaud BULLRING...dude, you made a couple funny cracks.

Now shut up, already. You're in the wrong thread and you're way out of line cracking on BEO's baby.

====
FOR THE RECORD to other RxForum friends...That pretty baby looks a LOT more like her mother than she does BEO. But she may later in life have a great softball swing to balance things out.

You da man barman. I hope your at least rt about her mother's look's. I can alway's hire a hitting coach, maybe iceman could use the extra cash...%^_

beo

Budworth22 · Mar 29, 2008

Do NOT confront her about this. That is a great reason to have her go into a shell. Instead, make a big deal every time some girl is raped or murdered while watching the news with her.

barman · Mar 29, 2008

Budworth22 said:
Do NOT confront her about this. That is a great reason to have her go into a shell. Instead, make a big deal every time some girl is raped or murdered while watching the news with her.

Ayuh....BUDWORTH puts it in quirky terms, but that's not a bad strategy either.

Look on the web for mainstream media (not wierdo links from AggressiveParenting websites per se) stories about teenagers and/or adult women who have been victimized by "meeting" with strangers met on the internet. And without saying, "Hey look, this is what could happen to YOU!!"...instead just note it a bit more objectively like, "Damn, this is a sad story. What do you think of this?" And now you have a dialouge.

Budworth22 · Mar 29, 2008

barman said:
Ayuh....BUDWORTH puts it in quirky terms, but that's not a bad strategy either.

Look on the web for mainstream media (not wierdo links from AggressiveParenting websites per se) stories about teenagers and/or adult women who have been victimized by "meeting" with strangers met on the internet. And without saying, "Hey look, this is what could happen to YOU!!"...instead just note it a bit more objectively like, "Damn, this is a sad story. What do you think of this?" And now you have a dialouge.

Yeah. I don't have kids, but this is smart. I know when my parent's confronted me about my internet usage, I became an expert at covering my tracks. They thought the problems were fixed, and I still got to enjoy my use.

If you can figure out a way to consistently get those logs, that's good. the challenge is not dropping bits of those convo's that you have no reason to know, into convo's with her.

Jabow · Mar 29, 2008

barman said:
It's a tough situation.

My daughter is now 19 and has become pretty self sufficient as an adult so at least I can pretend she didn't do anything horrible while underage.

IM conversations should be private and not subject to inspection by you, JABOW, especially if they are with her mother (who I presume is not living with you based on how you worded this)

Sure, there's a chance she'll IM with pervs or dumbass guys her own age range (or both). But that simply calls for you to limit her time on the web and also to sensibly educate her about EASY it is for people to be deceptive on the web so she should NEVER tell anyone she will "meet them" without adult chaperone(s).

If she wants to "meet someone" and really feels the person is legitimate in her age range, there should be no problem with her arranging to do it with you and/or her mother there in some kind of public setting (bowling, skating, public park etc).

If the "someone" refuses to meet with such supervision, she should be educated that it's 99.9% likely the person is a phony and possibly dangerous.

BM, thanks, but, this was conversations from known friends of hers, om messenger, but im not going to let her know I Saw them, its quite interesting to know the type of conversation she has with the mom, they bond and the men are still :the men:

Its not like there was something really bad they were saying, but that they were like secret sorority girls of sorts, kinda weird.

But, as she's getting older and develops I guess more advances and approaches will be coming at her like wild fire

barman · Mar 30, 2008

Jabow said:
BM, thanks, but, this was conversations from known friends of hers, om messenger, but im not going to let her know I Saw them, its quite interesting to know the type of conversation she has with the mom, they bond and the men are still :the men:

Its not like there was something really bad they were saying, but that they were like secret sorority girls of sorts, kinda weird.

But, as she's getting older and develops I guess more advances and approaches will be coming at her like wild fire

Fair enough, but your spying on these private conversations without her knowledge or consent is tantamount to reading a diary or personal journal.
It's inappropriate and rude regardless of age. I'm kinda thinking her mother also wouldn't be digging it if she knew you were eavesdropping.

It's just as inappropriate as if you set up a recording device on your telephone and then secretly played back all her phone calls to her mother (or anyone else).

punter · Mar 30, 2008

Oh! I thought he was talking about jabow's avatar being his daughter.

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