God people are stupid.
Welcome to Derrie-Air, the world's only carbon-neutral luxury airline, where you don't have to choose between living the high life and saving the planet. Nine out of ten scientists agree—we need to reduce our carbon emissions or perish from the face of the earth. Air travel is one of the biggest sources of carbon emissions and global warming. Derrie-Air will be the only airline that plants trees to offset every pound of carbon that our planes release into the atmosphere.
But not only will we do our part to protect the environment, we will expect you, our passengers, to do your part as well. The magic comes from our one of a kind "Sliding Scale"—the more you weigh, the more you'll pay. After all, it takes more fuel—more energy—to get more weight from point A to point B. So we will charge passengers based on how much mass they add to the plane. The heavier you and your luggage are, the more trees we'll plant to make up for the trouble of flying you from place to place.
Our Mission
Derrie-Air is the world's first carbon-neutral luxury airline. We will offer our passengers the finest luxury experience in all the world's skies and the freedom to enjoy it with a clear conscience.
<HR>The Story of Dick Derrie and Derrie-Air
Dick Derrie was born in Salamander, Missouri, a tiny hamlet on the banks of the Mississippi. (Salamander is small, so small that you won't find it on any map.) His father was a fisherman. As a child, Dick ate nothing but line-caught Mississippi fish. This unusual diet flooded his brain with Omega-3 fatty acids, to which he credits his remarkable business acumen.
As a boy, Dick did whatever he could to save money. He dreamed up rising up from the life of poverty he was born into. He held down all kinds of jobs-building rafts, hunting wild boar, guarding prisoners at the nearby correctional facility. By the time he graduated high school, Dick owned a chain of pinball machines in local juke joints and had a net worth of some $5 million. Over the next ten years he would attend business school, open Missouri's third-largest plant for the bottling of generic cola, and multiply this small fortune one hundred times over.
Dick's longing to plunge into Derrie-Air began in 1994, when he sent his first express package. "Heck," he reasoned to himself. "These sons-of-a-gun are making me pay by the pound! Now what if we ran an airline the same way..." The idea lay dormant until 2005, when Dick saw a popular film on global warming. He began to worry that if he didn't do something to cool off the planet, his grandchildren might never know the joy of hunting alligators on his marshy wetlands from the back of a two-ton truck. He called a meeting of Derrie Corp's board of directors the next day, and Derrie-Air was born.
Today Dick is 35 years old. He is the richest man in the state of Missouri. He lives with his wife and two sons on a ranch of a thousand acres near Salamander. Dick's father lives in a magnificent castle that Dick had specially imported, block by block, from Scotland. He still likes to hunt boar. It is, after all, his early experiences with the sublimity of wild nature that planted the seeds of his desire to save our planet. "The planet's a lot like life," Dick often says. "We only get one."
<HR>
Frequently Asked Questions
How much will your tickets be?
It depends on how much you and your luggage weigh. These masses will be combined and then turned into a price with our "Sliding Scale". If you and your luggage have a combined weight of less than 200 pounds, the cost savings is considerable-as high as sixty percent for domestic flights!
How will you help the environment?
We will plant trees in deforested acres around the world to absorb all the carbon that our planes release into the atmosphere. We plan on having over 128,000 sycamores in Derrie Forest by 2010. The practice, known as "carbon offsetting" has been adopted by a diverse array of credible entities such as famous Hollywood actors and actresses.
What is the "Sliding Scale"?
The "Sliding Scale" comes from the notion that each of us is responsible for the energy we use. There's nothing wrong with toting around a little extra mass-as long as you pay for it.
What is Green Luxury?
Green Luxury is the guiding principle of Derrie-Air. At the heart of our company is the belief that consumers in the developed world shouldn't have to choose between doing good and feeling good. We have no problem with environmentalists who perform hairshirt activities like composting and not flushing. But we maintain that upscale luxury consumers can do their part as well.
What amenities will your jets offer?
First of all there will be no class distinctions inside of a Derrie-Air jet. Every passenger will be treated like royalty. Every seat will be first class. There will simply be too many extras and treats on our flights to list here, but highlights will include: gorgeous air hosts and hostesses, golden-age Rat Pack films, top-shelf vodka Martinis, on-demand video blackjack, spacious private washrooms outfitted with porcelain fixtures and gilded faucets, gourmet snacks, on-board masseuses, loofah scrubs and, of course, digital cable!
<HR>
The Derrie-Air campaign is a fictitious advertising campaign created by Philadelphia Media Holdings to test the results of advertising in our print and online products and to stimulate discussion on a timely environmental topic of interest to all citizens. All names, identities, characters, persons, whether living or dead, companies, situations, offers, products, services, and other information appearing in this campaign and the associated website are fictitious. Any resemblance to real or fictitious names, identities, characters, persons, whether living or dead, companies, situations, offers, products, services, or other information, is purely coincidental and unintentional. In other words, smile, we're pulling your leg.
Welcome to Derrie-Air, the world's only carbon-neutral luxury airline, where you don't have to choose between living the high life and saving the planet. Nine out of ten scientists agree—we need to reduce our carbon emissions or perish from the face of the earth. Air travel is one of the biggest sources of carbon emissions and global warming. Derrie-Air will be the only airline that plants trees to offset every pound of carbon that our planes release into the atmosphere.
But not only will we do our part to protect the environment, we will expect you, our passengers, to do your part as well. The magic comes from our one of a kind "Sliding Scale"—the more you weigh, the more you'll pay. After all, it takes more fuel—more energy—to get more weight from point A to point B. So we will charge passengers based on how much mass they add to the plane. The heavier you and your luggage are, the more trees we'll plant to make up for the trouble of flying you from place to place.
Our Mission
Derrie-Air is the world's first carbon-neutral luxury airline. We will offer our passengers the finest luxury experience in all the world's skies and the freedom to enjoy it with a clear conscience.
<HR>The Story of Dick Derrie and Derrie-Air
Dick Derrie was born in Salamander, Missouri, a tiny hamlet on the banks of the Mississippi. (Salamander is small, so small that you won't find it on any map.) His father was a fisherman. As a child, Dick ate nothing but line-caught Mississippi fish. This unusual diet flooded his brain with Omega-3 fatty acids, to which he credits his remarkable business acumen.
As a boy, Dick did whatever he could to save money. He dreamed up rising up from the life of poverty he was born into. He held down all kinds of jobs-building rafts, hunting wild boar, guarding prisoners at the nearby correctional facility. By the time he graduated high school, Dick owned a chain of pinball machines in local juke joints and had a net worth of some $5 million. Over the next ten years he would attend business school, open Missouri's third-largest plant for the bottling of generic cola, and multiply this small fortune one hundred times over.
Dick's longing to plunge into Derrie-Air began in 1994, when he sent his first express package. "Heck," he reasoned to himself. "These sons-of-a-gun are making me pay by the pound! Now what if we ran an airline the same way..." The idea lay dormant until 2005, when Dick saw a popular film on global warming. He began to worry that if he didn't do something to cool off the planet, his grandchildren might never know the joy of hunting alligators on his marshy wetlands from the back of a two-ton truck. He called a meeting of Derrie Corp's board of directors the next day, and Derrie-Air was born.
Today Dick is 35 years old. He is the richest man in the state of Missouri. He lives with his wife and two sons on a ranch of a thousand acres near Salamander. Dick's father lives in a magnificent castle that Dick had specially imported, block by block, from Scotland. He still likes to hunt boar. It is, after all, his early experiences with the sublimity of wild nature that planted the seeds of his desire to save our planet. "The planet's a lot like life," Dick often says. "We only get one."
<HR>
Frequently Asked Questions
How much will your tickets be?
It depends on how much you and your luggage weigh. These masses will be combined and then turned into a price with our "Sliding Scale". If you and your luggage have a combined weight of less than 200 pounds, the cost savings is considerable-as high as sixty percent for domestic flights!
How will you help the environment?
We will plant trees in deforested acres around the world to absorb all the carbon that our planes release into the atmosphere. We plan on having over 128,000 sycamores in Derrie Forest by 2010. The practice, known as "carbon offsetting" has been adopted by a diverse array of credible entities such as famous Hollywood actors and actresses.
What is the "Sliding Scale"?
The "Sliding Scale" comes from the notion that each of us is responsible for the energy we use. There's nothing wrong with toting around a little extra mass-as long as you pay for it.
What is Green Luxury?
Green Luxury is the guiding principle of Derrie-Air. At the heart of our company is the belief that consumers in the developed world shouldn't have to choose between doing good and feeling good. We have no problem with environmentalists who perform hairshirt activities like composting and not flushing. But we maintain that upscale luxury consumers can do their part as well.
What amenities will your jets offer?
First of all there will be no class distinctions inside of a Derrie-Air jet. Every passenger will be treated like royalty. Every seat will be first class. There will simply be too many extras and treats on our flights to list here, but highlights will include: gorgeous air hosts and hostesses, golden-age Rat Pack films, top-shelf vodka Martinis, on-demand video blackjack, spacious private washrooms outfitted with porcelain fixtures and gilded faucets, gourmet snacks, on-board masseuses, loofah scrubs and, of course, digital cable!
<HR>
The Derrie-Air campaign is a fictitious advertising campaign created by Philadelphia Media Holdings to test the results of advertising in our print and online products and to stimulate discussion on a timely environmental topic of interest to all citizens. All names, identities, characters, persons, whether living or dead, companies, situations, offers, products, services, and other information appearing in this campaign and the associated website are fictitious. Any resemblance to real or fictitious names, identities, characters, persons, whether living or dead, companies, situations, offers, products, services, or other information, is purely coincidental and unintentional. In other words, smile, we're pulling your leg.
