The Inland Revenue Service </B>decides to audit Paddy and summons him to an appointment with its most thorough auditor. Paddy shows up with his solicitor. The auditor says: "Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, and you explain that by saying you win money gambling. I'm not sure Inland Revenue finds that believable."
"I'm a great gambler and I can prove it," says Paddy. ""How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says: "Okay. You're on!"
Paddy says: "I'll bet you £1 000 that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor says: "No way! It's a bet." Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Paddy says: "Now, I'll bet you £2 000 I can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The auditor now realises he has bet and lost £3 000, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
Paddy asks: "Would you like to go double or nothing? I'll bet you £6 000 I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and not get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor is cautious now, but he decides there's no way Paddy can do it, so he agrees again. Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers but he can't make the stream reach the bin, so he urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, but Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the solicitor. "When Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20 000 he could pee all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it!"
"I'm a great gambler and I can prove it," says Paddy. ""How about a demonstration?"
The auditor thinks for a moment and says: "Okay. You're on!"
Paddy says: "I'll bet you £1 000 that I can bite my own eye."
The auditor says: "No way! It's a bet." Paddy removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor's jaw drops.
Paddy says: "Now, I'll bet you £2 000 I can bite my other eye."
The auditor can tell Paddy isn't blind, so he takes the bet. Paddy removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The auditor now realises he has bet and lost £3 000, with Paddy's solicitor as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
Paddy asks: "Would you like to go double or nothing? I'll bet you £6 000 I can stand on one side of your desk and pee into that rubbish bin on the other side, and not get a drop anywhere in between."
The auditor is cautious now, but he decides there's no way Paddy can do it, so he agrees again. Paddy stands beside the desk and unzips his trousers but he can't make the stream reach the bin, so he urinates all over the auditor's desk. The auditor leaps with joy, but Paddy's solicitor moans and puts his head in his hands. "Are you okay?" the auditor asks.
"Not really," says the solicitor. "When Paddy told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me £20 000 he could pee all over your desk - and that you'd be happy about it!"
