get the fuck back in the gym, and back on your diet! there's nothing worse than letting yourself slip back into an unhealthy lifestyle. you'll suffer, you'll pay. you know you felt better when you were healthy, you know the repercussions of being unhealthy. consider the facts, weigh the options. i know you've just recently lost your brother, i know how it is. i lost my best friend at 20, who was a brother to me. i slipped for 6 months (actually lost weight, a lot of muscle weight) and stopped doing cardio, started eating bad - my BP went up and so did my cholesterol. i'm back on the grind, still emotionally scarred but physically fit. keep yourself healthy harry, it's your life you're living (and you're living it for two - keep that in mind.)