Las vegas!!!! (weak trip report included)

Day 1 (Sat 4/17) - Flight out of honolulu was slightly delayed.....finally got on the airplane, went on the runway, then stayed there for 20 min.....went back to gate, de-boarded, waited for a few hours, got on another plane. This sucked ass....was supposed to arrive in Vegas at 11pm.....after delay I had to call the hotel (Paris) as they only hold your room for 12 hours after checking (2pm sat afternoon). Luckily they kept it for me. Got to vegas about 3am, went to checkin at around 4am....just wanted to sleep. Guy told me I have spa/dining/show credits for $300....he said just charge it all to the room and he will credit my accout when I check out......no gambling after, just sleep....shitty day

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Day 2 (Sun 4/18) - Woke up late, went to meet wife's sister who lives in vegas at premium outlets. Ate lunch at Makino Chaya (sp?).....very mediocre food (but will have a food TR later on). I fucking hate shopping. We walked around this shopping horror for at least 1.5 hours....I could be losing my ass on a crap table or something. I bought some Maui Jim sunglasses but fucking thing cost over $200! I thought this shit was an outlet! when we finally left, I got the bad news we were going to some town square mall after.....wtf, we are in VEGAS....at this point I should've just drove away in my car and left them....but I'm not gonna ruin any chance of getting some later on tonight....was too tired night before.

At this town square shopping village, it is fucking huge and is no different than a mall at home. (except bigger) We almost went to eat at Yogurtland but the line was out the door and went down past two stores down. I convinced them that there is no need for yogurtland when we have one in honolulu. I think while walking around this place I managed to gauge an eyeball out, eat it, shit it back out, and pop it back in before we left......worst part....this place was near sister-in-law's house....so we went there next to kill a few hours before heading to dinner...(DID I MENTION I STILL HAVEN"T GAMBLED ONE BIT!)

Dinner was at Firefly....tapas! after dinner, sister went home and we were finally free. I have been craving bingo forever. I have never played bingo for money and wanted to see how this works. I found a casino called Terribles....never been there before but seen gas stations and whatnot....this casino was terrible so I see how they got the name. Found a bingo room and realized that this shit isn't like how I thought...cards are like $4-$5 and you don't win much. I was foolish but was expecting to buy $25 cards in packs of 4 or something and win some decent change. I ended up leaving and on my way out decided to tip the casino $200 for a shitty time (in some slot machines). Fucking terrible.

Went back to the hotel cause I really had to shit. After wife took a shit, I had no desire to have sex with her so I told her lets go take a look at this Aria hotel I hear they just built. Okay, from Paris it is just a casino or two over, but the way these hotels are built now, my fatass does not want to walk 3 miles to see a hotel that will take my money and leave me with 3 miles to walk home. And I don't wanna be the loser that catches a cab accross the street.....cab driver will think I'm lame and will not be happy with the minimal cab fare. While at Aria went to eat some ice cream....i think a scoop of vanilla here cost $250....i said fuck this and left.....gotta pay for the lack of visitors somehow I guess.

Fatso decides to take wife and walk to excalibur cause I was craving some krispy kremes.....these fucking things are soooo good I almost don't mind the heart pains that come as I finish one up. I bought six of them, gave 1 to wife and tried to eat the other 5....wife looked mad after 3 so I stopped....probably for the better because I started losing circulation in my legs....went to the casino in excalibur....pretty boring there but I hit up a craps table.....I have a really bad habit....i play the passline for small and throw in some 6 and 8 bets (and back odds for pline)......when it is my turn, as soon as point comes out, I load up the board, load up the passline and crap out....I try to bet as much as I can in my roll cause i think i know what i'm doing (which I don't)....the one bet I never play are the hardways...i wanna slap these fools playing these.....and if guns were allowed, I want to shoot the ones that win and roll the whole thing over trying to win again....just give me your money so I can lose another $200 on my roll.

Was a long sad walk back to the hotel....wife didn't want to cab it after eating some krispy kremes...fuck these things are good....i snuck another one in for the walk home....helped comfort me after losing $300 at excalibur ($200 craps, $100 slots)....the worst part is that fucking moving walkway that only goes in.....they make you walk all the way out and think about what you've done.

Got back pretty late......was tired and not liking this trip....not liking this trip one bit....i managed to win a little money on baseball through my phone during shopping....if not for that i'd probably have jumped through my hotel window that night.

and see had you just waited until the RX bash you could have had a NON WEAK trip...hno::neenee:

just got back last night Dante.....have to get one out of the way before the next....will start working to see if I can sneak out in August.....


although I haven't heard any news of bash this year....are you 100% sure it is still on?

Monday - 4/19

Woke up late again....vegas has this horrible effect. Decide to take a look at Mt. Charleston. The drive was about an hour and we got to the lodge....absolutely nothing special. Went to eat lunch outside on their deck. worst thing ever....the food was mediocre and the sun was burning my neck.....the wind was cold and the sun was killing my skin...i cannot win here. After lunch we drive to the ski resort....i have never gone skiing/snowboarding....this looks fucking awesome but the snow looked hard, shitty, and everyone was leaving.....so did I.

My wife had the address of a scrub store (she works in the med industry) so we went to look....my god this was in the ghetto....i'm pretty sure someone would mug me if I didn't park directly in front of the store and if it wasn't 2pm in the afternoon. this was pretty brutal as well....anytime you spend over 1 hour in ONE store, you start to go insane.....kind of like when they stick prisoners in a dark room for a day....but at least they can sleep. I had to watch the only TV they had in the store....and it ran a loop of infomercials....might've had more fun getting mugged.

shdw01 said:

just got back last night Dante.....have to get one out of the way before the next....will start working to see if I can sneak out in August.....


although I haven't heard any news of bash this year....are you 100% sure it is still on?

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nobody said its not on ..so I assume yes

Such visions you paint in this thread. Absolutley hysterical. I think you should be submitting this stuff to Anthony Curtis.

I think my favorite line, (of many), is:
"Went back to the hotel cause I really had to shit. After wife took a shit, I had no desire to have sex with her so....."

Thanks for the laughs.

I like the part about him trying suck down 5 Krispy Kremes.

Dang... talk about heart stoppage.

Monday 4/19 (con't) -

After the scrub store I was beat.....too much driving for a little bit....anyways....we went back to the hotel in preparation for dinner....we ended up eating at a place called the melting pot....i actually really enjoyed this. It was first time I had an entire fondue meal.

<a href="http://s295.photobucket.com/albums/mm146/shdw01/?action=view&current=aaa83c5d.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://i295.photobucket.com/albums/mm146/shdw01/aaa83c5d.jpg" border="0" alt="Photobucket"></a>

sorry that pic was so huge uploaded from my phone.....and I don't know how to use this photobucket stuff

Anyways, after dinner sister-in-law went home again so we were free.....this time I drove to downtown. First place I hit up was Plaza....I hear they have bingo....fuck, it is the same $5 card shit that I saw at that other shithole of a hotel. (later I find out they are all kind of linked in something called station casinos) While there my wife starts freaking out....she says there are all these "really big girls that look like guys".....after a chuckle I notice i'm in full-blown tranny-land....fuck, I thought I was gonna see Lapdance that tranny lover but nope, just a bunch of 6 foot ladies with adam's apples in skimpy dresses.

I end up hanging out at California hotel. This is where the trip finally gets a little better. I convince my wife to sit on a blackjack table with me. I give her $100 ($5 min table) so she just bet $5/hand for about an hour. Funny thing is that she would ask me on about 1/3 of her hands what she should do....and only listened to me about half the time. She has some phobia about busting.....I kept shaking my head as she stood with 12 against the dealer's 10. She refused to double down because whenever I told her she HAS to (11 vs dealer 6) she ended up losing. For you guys that take ur wives to vegas, don't let them watch you gamble. She didn't say anything to me at the table, but I later found out she was not a happy camper with the amount of tips I was giving to the dealer. She cashed out $150 and was kind enough to give me back my $100. I kept playing for another 30 min and actually cashed out $300 on that table (up $200). I stuck my $200 of profit into a blazing 7s machine. These slots are so addicting.....I have a theory that when it starts fucking with you (two 7s and a third right off the line), then it is gonna hit very soon so keep the wheels spinning!

I ended up losing $200 on blazing 7s there.

although I did go to main street before heading back to the strip and hit the $200 jackpot twice on the same machine (put in $100 and cashed out $350 so I guess i spent $150 to win $400....lol)

Went back to the strip after and started walking around. You guys ever see those HUGE plastic drinks that kids run around the strip drinking. I seen some that have a strap and hang to the ground....i always think "must be nice to be young"....anyways, at Flamingo I seen kids with a plastic guitar with a straw and alcohol inside....i admit, that looked pretty awesome.....I finally found it....found it was $35 and figured not so awesome anymore.

I started playing that Texas Hold em' table game at Flamingo. You put an ante to see 2 cards (vs. the dealers face down)...if you want to see the flop you have to pay 2x ur ante.....then you can check or bet (1x ante) before the turn and before the river. Pretty profitable game from what I noticed. There is also a bonus bet that you can win some hefty money.

***Tip for you newbe gamblers*** These bonus games are the biggest sucker bets on the strip (besides slot machines and that big fucking wheel that people seem to want to always waste a little on)....hold em, pai gow, let it ride....any of these "bonus" bets you will see people win but in the long run the house edge is enormous....don't do it......if you are playing for fun and want to drink and enjoy, by all means do it....but if you are trying to win money.....this is not the place

the worst part for me is that my whole table was playing $5 a hand on that and kept shaking their head at me cause I didn't play it. I got pocket aces and they said "that is 30-1!!! you could've had $150".....I wanted to tell them so badly that I have played about 50 hands you fucking morons. Anyways, cashed in $200 and by the time my wife walked up to me with the firery eyes of boredom, I had about $450 so I took my money and went back to the room.

Finally started feeling good cause I was winning. Wife went to sleep so I snuck back downstairs....put $200 in a $5 slot machine, lost it in about 22 pushes of a button (less than 5 minurs)....and went back upstairs in the worst mood possible.

Help us fellow fatasses out. What did you have to eat at Firefly?

quantumleap said:

Help us fellow fatasses out. What did you have to eat at Firefly?

Click to expand...

I am hoping to do a food TR this weekend but for you....

-Firefly Fries
-Stuffed Peppers
-Empanada
-Terra Y Mare skewers
-steak and mushroom skewers
-Baked Tetilla
-Chocolate Cherry Bread pudding
-Chocolate "tres leches" cake

everything was pretty good except the empanada....I almost spit that shit out on the next table.....could've done without the fries too....nothing different with fries.

look what I wore one day!

Lol this is a very entertaining read. Lots of ups and downs. Thanks for sharing.

shdw01 said:

I started playing that Texas Hold em' table game at Flamingo. You put an ante to see 2 cards (vs. the dealers face down)...if you want to see the flop you have to pay 2x ur ante.....then you can check or bet (1x ante) before the turn and before the river. Pretty profitable game from what I noticed. There is also a bonus bet that you can win some hefty money.

***Tip for you newbe gamblers*** These bonus games are the biggest sucker bets on the strip (besides slot machines and that big fucking wheel that people seem to want to always waste a little on)....hold em, pai gow, let it ride....any of these "bonus" bets you will see people win but in the long run the house edge is enormous....don't do it......if you are playing for fun and want to drink and enjoy, by all means do it....but if you are trying to win money.....this is not the place

the worst part for me is that my whole table was playing $5 a hand on that and kept shaking their head at me cause I didn't play it. I got pocket aces and they said "that is 30-1!!! you could've had $150".....I wanted to tell them so badly that I have played about 50 hands you fucking morons. Anyways, cashed in $200 and by the time my wife walked up to me with the firery eyes of boredom, I had about $450 so I took my money and went back to the room.

Click to expand...

Texas Hold 'em Bonus has to be my favorite table game in Vegas. You can win fast...or lose fast. Agree about the heavy vig on the bonus and I don't play it either. The dealers always roll their eyes when I don't play it, advise me, "that's where the big monies at" or something else to that effect. The only reason they want you to play it is so they can get toked when you win something substantial. The fact is most players are stiffs. I'm not. I'd rather grind it out and show my gratitude after I color up. Next time they give you shit about getting 50/1 on pocket aces tell them what the true odds are, (220-1). This usually shuts them up temporarily and gives the impression you know what you're talking about. Of course the real vig on the bonus is around 8% because of all the additional payouts, but no use in telling them. From my experience, most people that deal this game have no idea what you're talking about.

The biggest mistake I've seen at these tables, (besides playing the bonus), is people fold on things like 9,7 offsuit. The only terrible expected value on your first two cards, (in this game), is 2,3 - 2,7 offsuit. Fold these hands and in the long run you save money. Otherwise you pay to see the flop of any other starting hand.

http://wizardofodds.com/texasholdembonus

The other bit advice is watch the dealers. They are often confused on what is a winning hand and make many mistakes both ways



You are correct about all the games bonus bets heavy vig. However I do play Pai Gow's bonus, on the rare occasion when I play this game. It's the only way you will win anything at this game unless you're using some sort of a money management system where you are pressing up after wins or varying bet sizes otherwise.

GL

Two last thoughts on Texas Hold 'em Bonus. Never chase straights or flushes, by betting before the turn or river. In the unlikely event you do fill it you get paid on the antee and I consider that my bonus.

Always try to get the table to share what cards they are holding. Most dealers wont say boo about it as long as you are not doing it overly obvious. One casino, (Golden Gate), actually has a sign on the table requesting you do not show your cards to others.

good stuff shdw pretty entertaining read!

vegasvic....good comeback with thte 220-1 odds on AA...i wish I thought of saying that....

also, folding is another point on that game I forgot to mention. There are people that say "SEE EVERY FLOP"....I disagree.....if I don't know what the odds are, but I always fold my hand when I have non-suited, non-connecting and my highest card is 7 or lower. I also fold 2-3 and usually stuff like 8-2 to 8-5. If I have a 9 or higher I play, suited connectors (other than 2-3) I play, and I will only bet after the flop if I have middle pair or higher. I don't ever chase anything cause it loses.

When I fold the dealer often looks at my cards, shows the players, and they give me shit when I would've won.....but I know it doesn't pay in the long run. The point is to minimize the house advantage, and that is what I feel i'm doing.

If i see my neighbor contemplating a fold and I have the same card i will show them to give them extra info....not sure if that is frowned upon but I try to help my fellow players out.

Day 4 Tuesday (4/20) -

I told my wife to go to the spa today. I had a $300 credit and we might as well use it. She asked if I was gonna go with her. I said (fuck) "no", I'm gonna hang out in the casino. She had an appt at 11 but had to be there 30 min earlier....so I left her at 10:30 and went to FINALLY win some cash on my own.

First stop, Paris casino.....put $20 in one of those Top Dollar machines....I always look for the 2 credit ones and not the 3 credit ones....not sure if there is a diff on frequency of bonus or payouts, but I just like to play the game....usually if I don't hit this after $20, I leave. (I do this for both Top Dollar and that Pinball slot machine)....so I left after $20....

Second stop, Wheel of Fortune!.....man this game is so fucking addicting....I put in $100 and try to get some monster spins....this time I got 1 spin about halfway through, 99% of the time you get 20, 25, or 30....and you want to punch the machine cause you know it is laughing its ass off while you watch the wheel spin with hopes and dreams....only to have them crushed when you fall in between $1,000 and $150 for a hefty $25...fucker....But this time I got a $100....sadly it was what I put in but it was a tremendous moral victory for me. Cashed out $100 on that machine and walked to Ballys....the best thing about Paris is that you don't have to go in the sun to reach Ballys, just a short walk through 20 stores that think they look like Paris because they put 'le' in front of everything....'le cafe', 'le restrooms', 'le crepes'.....I GET IT!

Ballys.....I'm much more comfortable here....it doesn't feel like I'm with the big time rollers....First thought is to go play some poker....what I'm looking for is limit poker....anything above 3-6 limit and below 10-20.....so basically 4-8 or 5-10 or 8-16 (if they have that).....nope, nothing at 11am....so I hit up a texas hold em bonus table....

I'm starting to really like these tables....i was pretty much playing $15 ante....so if I max out I have $15 ante + $30 flop + $15 turn + $15 river....$75 a hand is the most I can lose but if I'm betting the turn and river, i'm not gonna lose unless the dealer pulls a flush or a set out of his ass....after the hecklers complain about my bonus...i play the bonus for 5 hands, lose $25 and stop....fuck those bastards....guy next to me stopped playing and he got AA....hahaha....I been there guy....he said he was playing bonus all yesterday and got nothing....he looked like he wanted to cry. Guy on the other side of me reached in his pocket and pulled out a phone charger....behind him saw and outlet so he started charging his phone about 10 feet behind where we were sitting....pretty funny seeing a random phone being charged in a casino. Wife said massage was from 11-12 so she would call me at 12....I realized I was sitting at the one table that had no reception....f'n tmobile. Anyways, when it hit 12:30 I figured I should leave the table as she may be getting angry when she realizes i'm in another hotel.....bought in $200....cashed out $700.....WHOOOT!



I took a picture to send to a couple friends who were salty cause they wanted to hit up vegas too....


Anyways....when I got back to Paris it was almost 1pm and wife wasn't mad...she said she had to go take a shower cause they put all this massage oil on her. I'm feeling good so I really have no idea what her 5 minutes of response was after I asked her "how was the massage". All I can think of is '$700!!!!'....

I wanted to eat lunch at this place called stack at Mirage....From Paris walk vs. drive was tough but wife wanted to hit up Serendipity 3 after so i said walk (this Serendipity 3 place has something called frrrrrozen hot chocolate that her co-workers said is fantastic...from NYC and recently in the 702 as well)....on the way she was getting really hungry and I kept saying "almost there"....finally got there.....fucking place is not open for lunch....I wanted to shoot myself....i was starving and I've been to the Mirage buffet before...it sucks.....I said let's just eat lunch at that Serendipity place you wanted to go to....after another 10 minutes of walking, I find out there is a 30 minute wait....I'm on the verge of fainting from hunger so I said let's just go to the Ceasars Palace food court. We ate some burgers....2 burgers, 1 water, and 1 coke....$30....yowzers.....I didn't care....charged it to my room since CP is same property as Paris....not to mention the $300 food/spa/show credit. Burgers were pretty shitty actually. After we went to Serendipity 3 for those frrrrozen blah blah...there is a price for 1 and for 2.....I said let's just do one double and one regular.....so 2 drinks cost $20....wtf....(went to my room again so whatever).....when it comes out of the window (they have a take-out window) they are about the size of a medium Starbucks iced drink ('grande' for you homos) but there are two straws....I guess they are supposed to be shared but my fatass wanted one to myself. This is actually pretty tasty but not worth $10 each....i'd pay $4-$5 tops. Wife starts to feel sick and I'm thinking something this rich (I had the double chocolate) is gonna bring me the shits soon. went back to the room for a shit and a nap.

After an hour of relaxation, we went to another scrub store....good lord enough with the scrubs...the owners of this place were really friendly (Scrubs, etc. was the name)....older couple that sat with me cause they did not want to follow my wife around as much as I didn't want to. The wife kept going into the back office and would come out to tell husband a joke she read on the computer. He had a nice recliner chair to hang out in. I bet he loves his life....sits in a nice chair while wife runs off to find a joke that will hopefully make him laugh....he must get a lot of bjs too....lucky bastard. Anyways, the bill came out to $150! she bought 3 sets of scrubs and a few extra shirts....owner said would be $300 at any other store....whatever, go back to your throne.

Then we drove to Trader Joe....I love this place...the food is pretty good and I really wish there was one back home. Wife bought way too much to carry back, but here is what I bought:

- Chocolate truffles - these are the best things ever
- Yogurt covered pretzels - also good
- Banana chips - to snack on....decent but not like first two
- Chocolate covered orange gummies - first time trying it....first thing I ever found at Trader Joe that sucks....felt like biting into a super orange...that gummy had so much bite i'd rather eat a lemon.

went back to hotel to change...dinner tonight is gonna be at the infamous 'Lotus of Siam'....tried to make reservations at 5:30 (for 7)...he said too late for reservations but it is empty...

got there at 7.....had to wait for 45 min but food was worth the wait IMO....when I eat Thai food what I really like is the Thai iced coffee....trust me guys, if you like coffee....it is worth it.

After dinner it was after 9 so we head back to the strip...wife didn't feel good so we were in the room from about 10:15 - 10:30....well, I left at 10:30....night is young....see what we got going....

I went to gamble on random things til 12 and wife called....she was bored so we decided to walk to bellagio...they always change the displays so she was curious what was going on now.....short gambling session....probably lost about $100-$200 on slot machines....but won some back on that hold em bonus game (my new fav game)

Bellagio had a nice display going (if you are a homosexual).....flowers and bumble bees....most entertaining thing was there was an old guy fully dressed like a pimp....PINK suit and sunglasses walking with incredible swagger (I don't know what swagger means, but when you see this guy, you KNOW he has it).....all dealers stopped as he walked by, they all waived at him and laughed at the same time....guy would wave back and stare up and down every decent looking girl in the casino.....in a very obvious way....pretty damn funny.....did I mention this guy looked 65 years old behind all the pink suit, pink hat, and sunglasses....hahaha.....

then we got a starbucks at Plante Hollywood, I wanted to play in the "Pleasure Pit"....this is a section where all dealers are very good looking girls in very skimpy outfits....wife looked mad as my eyes lit up so I went to a $5 slot machine and lost $100 in about 3 seconds.....damn, I could've really milked that $100 in the pleasure pit.....oh well...it is now 2:30 am and we are tired....i'm not as young as I used to be....time for bed.


Oh yeah....look at the two bets I put in at CP....i was still on my $700 high and said fuck it....(btw, I am a lifelong Miami Dolfan)

Glad you liked Lotus. What did you have?

I like the Thai Iced Tea which is thick with cream poured on top? Is that the same as the iced coffee or are they different?

shdw?? are those the chocolate Game chips from the gift shop there??

lol great thread bro. just read the whole thing and I'm cracking up.