We should all be as lucky as Oliver Perez, a man who can't control a fastball but won't relinquish control of his work assignments.
After messing up at our jobs for a couple of years, we should own the right to decline a demotion. Then, after discussions between our super-agent and our employers, we should be able to say our right knee tendinitis has flared up unexpectedly and that we require an indefinite stay in Florida for treatment - without agreeing to a demotion upon our return.
And while all this is going on, by the way, we should be collecting about $12 million per year.
It's good being Ollie, whether you are in Flushing or Port St. Lucie - but never, ever, for some reason, in Buffalo.
(Side note to Perez: I've been to Buffalo, and it's much nicer than Port St. Lucie in the summer.)
"This, purely, is Oliver Perez," Jerry Manuel said Saturday. "Oliver Perez came in and said that his knee bothered him. I have been here for a number of years. The integrity of (the Mets) has not wavered when it comes to these types of situations."
Manuel was trying to deflect obvious suspicions that this was a deal negotiated between Scott Boras and Omar Minaya. Instead, the Mets insisted, this was a real injury confirmed by an MRI.
Major League Baseball, demonstrating healthy skepticism, will demand to see that test result.
The Mets placed Perez on the 15-day disabled list, which in Met-lish means that we won't have Oliver to kick around for a long, long time. Those 15 days surely will turn into 30 days, into 60 days, into as long as it takes before Perez gets his act together and finally agrees to some rehab stints.
Just because Perez has been placed on the DL, by the way, doesn't mean the club gets to send him to Buffalo later.
"Any (30-day) rehab assignment has to have separate consent," said assistant GM John Ricco, who still sees Perez as a starter, not a reliever.
Meanwhile, Perez is in baseball purgatory - and not that level where Carlos Beltran exists, because the Mets still actually hold out considerable hope for Beltran, who Saturday played an extended spring training game. This place is where pitchers with large contracts go when there is about a 5% chance that their left arms and their cerebral cortex will both get their acts together at the same time.
This is very unlikely to happen in Perez's case, but the Mets figure there is no harm done now that he's not taking up a locker in the clubhouse or a spot on the roster. They could cut him, of course, but this is almost the same thing. Out of sight, out of bind. The stalemate has been broken, or postponed.
Now, maybe, everybody gets to forget Perez, enjoy R.A. Dickey and a Met season that has somewhat exceeded low expectations.
One more thing; These stupid MLB rules need to change. The NBA did the right thing years ago by replacing its injured list with an inactive list. Players stopped needing to fake injuries. Team doctors regained a modicum of respect. Reporters weren't required to be forever cynical, doubting the verity of every report of knee tendinitis.
As it is, the most likely scenario is that Perez had a long-term knee inflammation, as do most athletes, and was instructed by Boras to point it out.
"When a player says he's injured, and you have a doctor that confirms that, from where I sit, that's what the deal is for," Ricco said of the transaction.
Whatever. Ship the guy out, move on. Perez should talk to Dickey before he leaves. Maybe he can develop a knuckleball in Florida
After messing up at our jobs for a couple of years, we should own the right to decline a demotion. Then, after discussions between our super-agent and our employers, we should be able to say our right knee tendinitis has flared up unexpectedly and that we require an indefinite stay in Florida for treatment - without agreeing to a demotion upon our return.
And while all this is going on, by the way, we should be collecting about $12 million per year.
It's good being Ollie, whether you are in Flushing or Port St. Lucie - but never, ever, for some reason, in Buffalo.
(Side note to Perez: I've been to Buffalo, and it's much nicer than Port St. Lucie in the summer.)
"This, purely, is Oliver Perez," Jerry Manuel said Saturday. "Oliver Perez came in and said that his knee bothered him. I have been here for a number of years. The integrity of (the Mets) has not wavered when it comes to these types of situations."
Manuel was trying to deflect obvious suspicions that this was a deal negotiated between Scott Boras and Omar Minaya. Instead, the Mets insisted, this was a real injury confirmed by an MRI.
Major League Baseball, demonstrating healthy skepticism, will demand to see that test result.
The Mets placed Perez on the 15-day disabled list, which in Met-lish means that we won't have Oliver to kick around for a long, long time. Those 15 days surely will turn into 30 days, into 60 days, into as long as it takes before Perez gets his act together and finally agrees to some rehab stints.
Just because Perez has been placed on the DL, by the way, doesn't mean the club gets to send him to Buffalo later.
"Any (30-day) rehab assignment has to have separate consent," said assistant GM John Ricco, who still sees Perez as a starter, not a reliever.
Meanwhile, Perez is in baseball purgatory - and not that level where Carlos Beltran exists, because the Mets still actually hold out considerable hope for Beltran, who Saturday played an extended spring training game. This place is where pitchers with large contracts go when there is about a 5% chance that their left arms and their cerebral cortex will both get their acts together at the same time.
This is very unlikely to happen in Perez's case, but the Mets figure there is no harm done now that he's not taking up a locker in the clubhouse or a spot on the roster. They could cut him, of course, but this is almost the same thing. Out of sight, out of bind. The stalemate has been broken, or postponed.
Now, maybe, everybody gets to forget Perez, enjoy R.A. Dickey and a Met season that has somewhat exceeded low expectations.
One more thing; These stupid MLB rules need to change. The NBA did the right thing years ago by replacing its injured list with an inactive list. Players stopped needing to fake injuries. Team doctors regained a modicum of respect. Reporters weren't required to be forever cynical, doubting the verity of every report of knee tendinitis.
As it is, the most likely scenario is that Perez had a long-term knee inflammation, as do most athletes, and was instructed by Boras to point it out.
"When a player says he's injured, and you have a doctor that confirms that, from where I sit, that's what the deal is for," Ricco said of the transaction.
Whatever. Ship the guy out, move on. Perez should talk to Dickey before he leaves. Maybe he can develop a knuckleball in Florida
