> The following
> information is making the rounds of Division I football
> coaches:
>
>
> Wayfron P. Jackson:
> 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide
> Receiver. Hottest prospect from
> Texas in the last
> ten years. Loves rap
> music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his
> helmet. Currently holds
> world record for the most “you knows” during an interview (62
> in one minute). Wayfron
> can print his complete
> name.
>
> Will probably sign
> with Tennessee .
>
> Quinticious Jenkins:
> 6' 3", 220 lbs.
> Running Back. Set state scoring record out of
> Triton High School ,
> Dunn ,
> N.C. Also led the state in
> burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has
> been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a
> 19" TV under each
> arm.
>
> Planning to sign
> with South Carolina .
>
>
> Roosevelt “Dude” Dansell:
> 6' 1", 195 lbs.
> Running Back. From
> Tyler ,Texas .
Has processed hair
> and imitates Billy Dee
> Williams very well. Before he signed his letter of
> intent, he wanted the school
> to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his
> church preference as “red
> brick.”
>
> Will sign with the
>
> University of Auburn .
>
> Woodrow Lee Washington:
> 6' 8", 310 lbs.
> Tackle. From a 4th. generation welfare family. At 19 he’s
> the oldest of 21
> children. Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have same
> father. He is thought to be
> a Cousin/Brother? of McFadden. He has a manslaughter trial pending,
> but feels he will be found innocent because: “The dude
> said somethin bad ‘bout my Momma.” On his entrance
> form, he listed his I.Q.
> as 20-20.
>
> First choice is the
>
> University of Arkansas .
>
> Willie “Night Train” Smith:
> 6'4", 225 lbs.
> Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate
> indicates he is 27 years old.
> Thinks the “N” on
> Nebraska ’s helmets stands
> for “Nowledge,” but
> still meets this school’s stringent entrance
> requirements. Insists on wearing
> No. 32 jersey since it matches his score on his
> SATs.
>
> He likes the
>
> University of Alabama .
>
> Tyrone “Python” Peoples:
> 6'6", 228 lbs. Wide
> Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape
> trials, but hopes none of
> his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already
> signed letters of intent with six other colleges.
> Likes wild women and red
> Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican
> Telephone Company.
>
> LSU is favored.
>
> Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali:
> 6'9", 305 lbs.
> Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester
> Lee Jones until he
> discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is
> a housing project in
>
> Jacksonville . Doesn’t know the
> meaning of the word “fear.”(Doesn’t know the meaning of many other words, either.)
>
> He’ll sign with the
>
University of Florida .
>
> Note: College track
> coaches intend to use several of the above signees in
> their track
> programs.
> However, instead of using a starting gun
> at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar
> alarm.
> information is making the rounds of Division I football
> coaches:
>
>
> Wayfron P. Jackson:
> 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide
> Receiver. Hottest prospect from
> Texas in the last
> ten years. Loves rap
> music. Will demand a mini-cassette in his
> helmet. Currently holds
> world record for the most “you knows” during an interview (62
> in one minute). Wayfron
> can print his complete
> name.
>
> Will probably sign
> with Tennessee .
>
> Quinticious Jenkins:
> 6' 3", 220 lbs.
> Running Back. Set state scoring record out of
> Triton High School ,
> Dunn ,
> N.C. Also led the state in
> burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has
> been clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a
> 19" TV under each
> arm.
>
> Planning to sign
> with South Carolina .
>
>
> Roosevelt “Dude” Dansell:
> 6' 1", 195 lbs.
> Running Back. From
> Tyler ,Texas .
Has processed hair
> and imitates Billy Dee
> Williams very well. Before he signed his letter of
> intent, he wanted the school
> to change colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his
> church preference as “red
> brick.”
>
> Will sign with the
>
> University of Auburn .
>
> Woodrow Lee Washington:
> 6' 8", 310 lbs.
> Tackle. From a 4th. generation welfare family. At 19 he’s
> the oldest of 21
> children. Mother claims Woodrow and child No. 9 have same
> father. He is thought to be
> a Cousin/Brother? of McFadden. He has a manslaughter trial pending,
> but feels he will be found innocent because: “The dude
> said somethin bad ‘bout my Momma.” On his entrance
> form, he listed his I.Q.
> as 20-20.
>
> First choice is the
>
> University of Arkansas .
>
> Willie “Night Train” Smith:
> 6'4", 225 lbs.
> Quarterback. Born on an Amtrak train. Birth certificate
> indicates he is 27 years old.
> Thinks the “N” on
> Nebraska ’s helmets stands
> for “Nowledge,” but
> still meets this school’s stringent entrance
> requirements. Insists on wearing
> No. 32 jersey since it matches his score on his
> SATs.
>
> He likes the
>
> University of Alabama .
>
> Tyrone “Python” Peoples:
> 6'6", 228 lbs. Wide
> Receiver. Has a pending paternity suit and two rape
> trials, but hopes none of
> his other 9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already
> signed letters of intent with six other colleges.
> Likes wild women and red
> Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican
> Telephone Company.
>
> LSU is favored.
>
> Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali:
> 6'9", 305 lbs.
> Guard. Played high school ball under the name Sylvester
> Lee Jones until he
> discovered religion. Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is
> a housing project in
>
> Jacksonville . Doesn’t know the
> meaning of the word “fear.”(Doesn’t know the meaning of many other words, either.)
>
> He’ll sign with the
>
University of Florida .
>
> Note: College track
> coaches intend to use several of the above signees in
> their track
> programs.
> However, instead of using a starting gun
> at track meets, the NCAA has now agreed to use a burglar
> alarm.
