Yesterday was on of the worst days I've ever had...

It started around 4am or so, I woke up just feeling bad. Our weather conditions have started to drastically change and everyone is sick. I rarely get sick but this one caught me...

After not really sleeping, I get up and mess around on Facebook and see an unusual message on my friends page... It turns out on he killed himself on August 24th....

I've never lost someone that close to me. He lived in NC so I didn't get to see him much, but he absolutely one of my boys. I don't cry often, but yesterday being sick, being shocked, it hit me hard.

I had so so so much respect for this dude. You ever meet someone who Charisma is through the roof? That was him. He was incredibly talented. He was the most talented person I've ever met. He was in music, a producer that was signed and worked with a bunch of B stars. He then self taught himself not just graphic design, but web development. Not the simple HTML or CSS either, thats where he started but I watched him grow so quickly. Within 2 years of starting, he landed a good ob in the field without ever finishing HS.

Dan was so incredibly gifted and genuinely kind.

He gave up music for his girl. He was working in ATL and she wasn't ready to leave home. Which is how he found graphic design. He was just a creative person, and had to have an outlet to illustrate it. It seemed to be going well for him... Until the last month him and his girl were going through a separation and he was taking it hard.

I've spent a ton of time talking to him. He told me he had suicidal thoughts. He told me. And now he's gone. There were so many signs now that I look back on it. He told me he loved me, and ya know thats awkward when a guy tells a guy that. I just laughed it off. But he knew it was coming. I ignored it.

I could see how bad he was hurting, but I really never thought this would happen. It was ignorance. I just couldn't imagine a world without him in. If I had to bet on anyone I know making a big difference in the world, it would of been him. The world needs people like this, and now he is gone....

25. Charismatic. Talented. Kind. and now dead.

It's hard to comprehend. I talked to him, and I did what I could to try to help him turn the tide of this depression. But I missed the opportunity. I begged him to go on vacation with my group of friends. I sent him money even as a "house warming gift" but really I just wanted him to have no excuse of not coming to the lake. It turns out the reason I never heard from him was because he is gone...

Damn this hurts. I cannot imagine what its like to lose your wife or closest friend.

I live by the saying, Best thing in life is Life, but his is gone.

Miss you like crazy man.

Oh yeah, this is a gambling forum...

To try to just get my mind off it. I lost almost my entire bankroll. Not that it matters to me right now.

I hear you brotha. Same situation happened to me 3 years ago with my sister, and 10 years ago with a great friend of mine. It sucks. It also sucks that no matter what anyone says or does, when they make up their mind to commit suicide, it's a done deal. Depression is a drug. Depression is real. Depression has gotten both of us, but we cannot allow it to get the best of us like we're living thorugh during these times. You're in my thoughts tday brotha. May you have the strength to somewhat comprehend and to carry on to continue to be the best you can be, unfortunately without the loved one that makes it that much easier.

You're right, it is. And it is NFL Sunday

Defying said:

Oh yeah, this is a gambling forum...

To try to just get my mind off it. I lost almost my entire bankroll. Not that it matters to me right now.

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bigbet1234 said:

You're right, it is. And it is NFL Sunday

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which is more important than anything else.

MattyMatt said:

I hear you brotha. Same situation happened to me 3 years ago with my sister, and 10 years ago with a great friend of mine. It sucks. It also sucks that no matter what anyone says or does, when they make up their mind to commit suicide, it's a done deal. Depression is a drug. Depression is real. Depression has gotten both of us, but we cannot allow it to get the best of us like we're living thorugh during these times. You're in my thoughts tday brotha. May you have the strength to somewhat comprehend and to carry on to continue to be the best you can be, unfortunately without the loved one that makes it that much easier.

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yeah, thanks mattymatt.

its so clear to me now that he knew he was going to do it.

I asked if he wanted to meet up on skype to catch up, but he said it was their anniversary. and he just wanted to be alone.....

another sign that was so clear... think your right though, he was depressed. think he would of done it if not that night, then the next....

i hope he knew how special of a person he was.. and I don't say that about everyone... just thought he was really a step above most....

thanks again for the kind comments. couldn't even bring myself to concentrate that long yesterday to type that

sucks man sorry for your loss, crazy how complacent we all get and take so much for granted in our day to day lives

i feel for you, defying. i lost my best friend, whom i grew up with since we were about 5. i lived with him in college and watched bacterial meningitis take his life in less than 24 hours. i noticed he was sick that day, but i thought it was just the flu so we left him alone all day to sleep. he never came out of his room until 11pm and he was throwing up. i told him i was going to take him over to the health center, he objected. eventually i forced him to get a shower and get ready to go because he looked bad. after he got out of the shower, he had hives and blisters from head to toe and he was completely out of it. i was very scared. he began hallucinating and calling me doctor house. i had to dress him myself because he couldn't do it. i had to physically pick him up and fireman carry him to my car because he couldn't walk. i knew it was something extreme, but i had no idea what. i got him to the health center and went in with him as they performed simple tests to determine what it was. they knew exactly what it was and just tried to put him at ease, but they didn't tell me. they called the ambulance and i tried to go with him but the paramedics told me i couldn't, they knew it was going to be a terrible scene that they didn't want me to see, but i still had no idea. as they were loading them up he told me i was his brother and he loved me and that he'd "tell his mom that i did everything i could." it seemed like he knew he was going to pass, it was terrifying. i drove all the way to upmc in pittsburgh because he was being transported there. i met his sister and mother there (who were also like family to me) and we waited for an hour while they kept telling us that the ambulance was on the way. his sister wanted cigarettes so we were walking to the nearest gas station when she got a phone call and just collapsed. we found out he never made it out of the hospital near school, as we sat there for almost 2 hours being told they were on their way. he died alone. it was the most agonizing moment of my life and i had to drive his mom and sister over an hour back to the other hospital. the most uncomfortable and sickening feeling i've ever had. his 3 year death "anniversary" is coming up on october 16th, he passed away one week before his 21st birthday. i've been struggling with it ever since. you'll find that time isn't such a great healer, but it's the only thing that helps. i feel for you buddy, hang in there. very sorry for your loss.

Life is so precious,you never know when it will end. Sorry for your loss, hang in there,gl.

sparticus said:

Life is so precious,you never know when it will end. Sorry for your loss, hang in there,gl.

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Especially the older you get.

all gambling aside...

this fourm has always stepped up to the plate to help others. Amazing how we can break balls one minute and have empathy and understanding the next.

I have experienced this too with good college buddies, old high schools girlfriends and a special girl whom I had dated in Spain while abroad. She passed away in a car accident on a beach trip to Portugal. I decided at that moment, to really live life well and not take a moment for granted.

Stay strong Defying. I am positive your buddy knew how much you cared and that you were a true friend. That sould at least give some solice.

Sucks Defying, thoughts and prayers with you

I always think/thought suicide was the most selfish things one could do. Easy way out and affects so many around you...

a few kids have also committed suicide recently in my area..two from the same town. weird.

defying - - - terrible news - - - i'll pray for you and your friends family --
I dont have much to say at a time like this.

My best friend too, college roomate. I wasn't there when he died. One year after college graduation, him in fort Lewis, ready to probably go to Viet Nam. 22 years old. I hear on the news that James ( slightly mispronounced last name) had died of meningitis at the base. I took solace in that his name wasn't pronounced like that, so probably someone else. Then my mom called and said it was him, that she had heard more on a later newscast, that the dead soldier was from Ephrata Wa., a grad of Gonzaga, etc. Unbelievable, sad, sad day. Long time ago. Still wonder how our friendship would have gone and what he would have accomplished. He learned 7 languages in his spare time while attending college. Drafted for Vietnam, died before he got there. He should be on the WALL. I understand your sadness. Time heals slow...

I had a cousin who committed suicide about 35 years ago. I think of him often, and wonder what might have been if he had chosen to live instead. He was sort of my hero growing up. Very sorry to hear about your friend. I'm sure you'll never forget.

dtmad said:

My best friend too, college roomate. I wasn't there when he died. One year after college graduation, him in fort Lewis, ready to probably go to Viet Nam. 22 years old. I hear on the news that James ( slightly mispronounced last name) had died of meningitis at the base. I took solace in that his name wasn't pronounced like that, so probably someone else. Then my mom called and said it was him, that she had heard more on a later newscast, that the dead soldier was from Ephrata Wa., a grad of Gonzaga, etc. Unbelievable, sad, sad day. Long time ago. Still wonder how our friendship would have gone and what he would have accomplished. He learned 7 languages in his spare time while attending college. Drafted for Vietnam, died before he got there. He should be on the WALL. I understand your sadness. Time heals slow...

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crazy, lost my best friend of about 15 years and college roommate to meningitis...i posted my story above. it took less than 24 hours to take him.

No woman is worth all that. I've seen it happen a number of times. Shit sucks. Sorry to hear man.

ZJP6050 said:

crazy, lost my best friend of about 15 years and college roommate to meningitis...i posted my story above. it took less than 24 hours to take him.

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Yeah. I read your story. It brought a lot of memories back.