Everyone who is anyone in media is following along like sheep to bastardize the Marlins for their salary purge trade with the Blue Jays. But no one yet has addressed the fact that this is a shrewd move that has corrected the short-term errors of last offseason and sets the Fish up for a monstrous run in 2014 and beyond. Think Washington Nationals who were the joke of the league for years and then all of a sudden become the best (at least regular season) team in baseball seemingly out of nowhere.
While everyone is ready to anoint the Blue Jays as a contender, a digger deep realized they just took a huge steaming pile of salary dump on an injury-prone defensive liability whose primary asset rapidly declines with age (say hello Mr. Reyes), an injury prone ace with one year of 200 innings pitched and a mendoza W-L of 22-21 the last three years (that would be your Mr. Johnson), a contact pitcher who will be 34 next season and is the picture of .500 ball ('Sup Buehrle), along with a spare part management called Boner-Face and a.192 catcher. Yet this is ready to transform the Northern Blue Jays to compete with the mighty Yanks? Say it ain't so, A-Rod, say it ain't so.
Let's go back to last offseason when the Fish took on the ill-advised contracts of Reyes (off a career year), Buehrle (a coveted FA who is essentially a Livan Hernandez-esque innings eater), Heath F'in Bell (oops, we fixed that one) and batshit-crazy Ozzie Guillen as the circus ringleader.
Fast-forward to mid-season when the carnival ballpark plays host to "Oh shit, what did we do?" and "Where are you now Dave Dombrowski?" on the organs. Malcontents in the clubhouse and barely .500 ball aren't getting it done. What to do? The evil masterminds at Marlins headquarters could throw good money after bad (That would be you Mr. Torrie Wilson, A-Rod you bastard) or they could say to self "Self- how did we win two championships while other small market teams like the Pirates and Royals fans were served shit salad on opening day year after year?"
So then the plan was hatched, albeit retrospectively, sign some big name free agents, dump them and their current aging counterparts on the roster (those who are or are nearly past their prime or can't seem to stay healthy), and take some really good freaking prospects on and load up the organization. Some will pan out and some will not, but trust are scouting, pay the price for a year or two, and then holy shit we are loaded. I'm talking Strasburg/Zimmerman Nationals loaded minus the Tommy John.
Goodbye Hanley, we hardly knew ye.
Hasta la Vista Anibal, you have a girly name for goodness sake.
And now the coup de gras: an overrated aging Reyes, an injury prone pseudo-ace, a .500 pitcher and two spare tires. All for what? For Angel F'in Hechavarria, Hector Alvaraez, and Justin GD Nicolino. While they don't roll off the ESPN sheep tongue, you might know them in August 2014.
Let me break down the trade and you will see that what seems to be is not always what actually will be:
Reyes (age 29, injury prone, one career year, speed is primary asset, shitty fielder) for Hechavarria (age 23, defensive gem, stays healthy)
Johnson (will be 29, injury prone, .500 pitcher) for Nicoline (stud lefty, age 20) Desclafani (22, with 11-3 w/L at A), and Marisnick (played AA at 21, plus tools OF)
Buehle (will be 34, .500 pitcher at best, eats a lot of innnings) for Alvarez (had 31 starts in majors at 22, looks a lot like Buehrle only 12 years younger and millions cheaper)
Bonifacio (or Boner-face, no bat has speed, is turning 27) for Escobar (better than Boner-face in every category except speed and homosexual tolerance, is turning 30)
Buck (he's a 32 yr. old catcher who batted .192 for fucks sake) for Mathis (he's 29 and sucks like Buck but opens door for Brantly)
Oh year, the Fish saved like $140 million on the deal. I think that may get Torrie Wilson's boyfriend who we can then trade to the Cubs for a bucket of baseballs and Dontrelle Willis' kid.
If I were Ricky Nolasco I would have my suitcases at the door, right now.
So will the Marlins suck next year. Definitely, yes. Will they turn the corner in the second half of 2014 and strike fear in the hearts of everyone that year or the next. Oh yeah, baby. Cue up the Reel Big Fish soundtrack.
Here's the projected lineup and rotation:
1b Marcell Ozuna
2b Escobar or Smolinski or someone
3b Zach Cox
SS Hechavarria
OF LoMo
OF Yelich
OF Stanton
and the rotation:
Turner
Eovaldi
Alvarez
Jose Fernandez
Drew Heaney
So for those living in the moment, whoop-de-doo, the Blue Jays got Buehrle, twitter must be erect. For those that know not everyone can win every year and be satisfied with taking it all down every 5-6 years. Let's all get it Marty's Delorean and fast-forward to 2015. Because everyone will be doing the fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
While everyone is ready to anoint the Blue Jays as a contender, a digger deep realized they just took a huge steaming pile of salary dump on an injury-prone defensive liability whose primary asset rapidly declines with age (say hello Mr. Reyes), an injury prone ace with one year of 200 innings pitched and a mendoza W-L of 22-21 the last three years (that would be your Mr. Johnson), a contact pitcher who will be 34 next season and is the picture of .500 ball ('Sup Buehrle), along with a spare part management called Boner-Face and a.192 catcher. Yet this is ready to transform the Northern Blue Jays to compete with the mighty Yanks? Say it ain't so, A-Rod, say it ain't so.
Let's go back to last offseason when the Fish took on the ill-advised contracts of Reyes (off a career year), Buehrle (a coveted FA who is essentially a Livan Hernandez-esque innings eater), Heath F'in Bell (oops, we fixed that one) and batshit-crazy Ozzie Guillen as the circus ringleader.
Fast-forward to mid-season when the carnival ballpark plays host to "Oh shit, what did we do?" and "Where are you now Dave Dombrowski?" on the organs. Malcontents in the clubhouse and barely .500 ball aren't getting it done. What to do? The evil masterminds at Marlins headquarters could throw good money after bad (That would be you Mr. Torrie Wilson, A-Rod you bastard) or they could say to self "Self- how did we win two championships while other small market teams like the Pirates and Royals fans were served shit salad on opening day year after year?"
So then the plan was hatched, albeit retrospectively, sign some big name free agents, dump them and their current aging counterparts on the roster (those who are or are nearly past their prime or can't seem to stay healthy), and take some really good freaking prospects on and load up the organization. Some will pan out and some will not, but trust are scouting, pay the price for a year or two, and then holy shit we are loaded. I'm talking Strasburg/Zimmerman Nationals loaded minus the Tommy John.
Goodbye Hanley, we hardly knew ye.
Hasta la Vista Anibal, you have a girly name for goodness sake.
And now the coup de gras: an overrated aging Reyes, an injury prone pseudo-ace, a .500 pitcher and two spare tires. All for what? For Angel F'in Hechavarria, Hector Alvaraez, and Justin GD Nicolino. While they don't roll off the ESPN sheep tongue, you might know them in August 2014.
Let me break down the trade and you will see that what seems to be is not always what actually will be:
Reyes (age 29, injury prone, one career year, speed is primary asset, shitty fielder) for Hechavarria (age 23, defensive gem, stays healthy)
Johnson (will be 29, injury prone, .500 pitcher) for Nicoline (stud lefty, age 20) Desclafani (22, with 11-3 w/L at A), and Marisnick (played AA at 21, plus tools OF)
Buehle (will be 34, .500 pitcher at best, eats a lot of innnings) for Alvarez (had 31 starts in majors at 22, looks a lot like Buehrle only 12 years younger and millions cheaper)
Bonifacio (or Boner-face, no bat has speed, is turning 27) for Escobar (better than Boner-face in every category except speed and homosexual tolerance, is turning 30)
Buck (he's a 32 yr. old catcher who batted .192 for fucks sake) for Mathis (he's 29 and sucks like Buck but opens door for Brantly)
Oh year, the Fish saved like $140 million on the deal. I think that may get Torrie Wilson's boyfriend who we can then trade to the Cubs for a bucket of baseballs and Dontrelle Willis' kid.
If I were Ricky Nolasco I would have my suitcases at the door, right now.
So will the Marlins suck next year. Definitely, yes. Will they turn the corner in the second half of 2014 and strike fear in the hearts of everyone that year or the next. Oh yeah, baby. Cue up the Reel Big Fish soundtrack.
Here's the projected lineup and rotation:
1b Marcell Ozuna
2b Escobar or Smolinski or someone
3b Zach Cox
SS Hechavarria
OF LoMo
OF Yelich
OF Stanton
and the rotation:
Turner
Eovaldi
Alvarez
Jose Fernandez
Drew Heaney
So for those living in the moment, whoop-de-doo, the Blue Jays got Buehrle, twitter must be erect. For those that know not everyone can win every year and be satisfied with taking it all down every 5-6 years. Let's all get it Marty's Delorean and fast-forward to 2015. Because everyone will be doing the fish. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
