Should I get divorced?

This is no joke, something I been thinking about for a while. 33yrs old, no kids, been married for 6 years. Wife is 4yrs younger than me, she's originally from Europe. I met her when she was over here working for a couple years after highschool before college (common for europeans to take a break year or two). We got married early for the green card so she could stay here, but were were legitimately in love. Now it seems like she's not happy, misses her family all the time. We get in fights over stupid shit like the apartment being messy, the laundry, and the dishes. I'm pretty laid back, haven't been the best husband in the world but I love her, made a commitment, and try my best. We haven't slept together in over a year (no joke). Feels like we're just living together because we're used to it and it's the easiest thing to do. Just being honest with you all. Not sure what to do here. Stick it out like a man, or pull the ripcord and start fresh. I gotta figure this out before any kids enter the picture.

Some people will say if you have to ask then you should know. But this is only one source I'm going to for opinions. Just thought a fresh perspective would be interesting. Feel free to ask any questions I am an open book.

If you love her, how can you live with her for a year and not have sex? That's insane. I think you should take her out to a nice dinner, and start having sex immediately. Sex is what keeps couples together, otherwise the little things become big things.

Don't have kids, it will only make things worse & it'll be pretty unfair to the kid as well. All the signs are there that the relationship is over. 33 is young, let her move back home where she wants to be & go out & get some ass! Just my 2 cents.

Your neck should be so tired you need surgery before you consider divorce. Start munching now.

Why would you even consider divorce without going to marriage counseling first? If you think it's worth saving, you should make every effort to do so.

If you haven't been sleeping together in over a year.. do you foresee sleeping with her again on a regular basis sometime in the future ? What do you think SHE wants in your relationship ? What country is she from ?

she used you for citizenship, it looks like.

You've forgotten how good vagina is..... are you with someone on the side? Are you Certain she's not seeing someone? Imnot picking on you... its a tough spot to be in.

Take divorce off the table and never mention the word again.
It's a cancer and just the idea of it will spread like wildfire by casually mentioning the word.

The only reason would be if there was infidelity.
And even then-you can work past that and have a greater marriage than before.

Don't give up. Don't ever give up.

Why haven't you slept together in over a year?

Because you have no interest?
Because she has no interest?
Have either one of you even tried, and if so who has rejected the other the most?

This is key...

I echo what The Falls and DEAC said, try everything before opting for divorce. I was unhappy in my marriage before we finally divorced. However, she wasn't willing to work at it. Try to recall what made you fall in love, try to get back to doing those things if possible.

Honest talk with her....marriage counselling; even if you think it is a waste; then; hey, without kids; whatever you all do; it shouldn't be too messy; do not have children unless you get back to real relationship...jmho...gl

No offense but you guys who are saying look at every option before divorce seem to be missing the part where he said they haven't had sex in OVER A YEAR.

If two people in a relationship haven't had sex in that long, then one of them, or both aren't happy with the other anymore.

This marriage is almost beyond repair and the only thing to consider are 2 things:

1. Is HE the one or the reason they haven't had sex in over a year? Has it been his choice? Has she tried and has he rejected her?
2. If yes is the answer to those questions above, then it means it's on him, and then it's mostly his decision on whether or not to try and make it work or not.


If they haven't had sex for over a year and she's the one who has been rejecting him, then it's time to discuss the divorce or for him to make his way to the courthouse and file for it...

Well definitely some major emotional issues on both sides of your relationship. First, divorce may look like a nice carrot right now but it doesn't always work out that way.

1. Understand that no matter what you do, you CAN NOT make anyone do or feel anything. You can only INFLUENCE. You could pour everything you have into saving the marriage and she could still walk away. Accept that. But remember, that was true back when you first met too when everything was fine. It just feels a whole different now.

2. Women are SO different than us guys. They process a lot of things very different. Sounds like you guys are on totally different levels and neither of you is feeling loved or validated and it's just spiraled down to a miserable point for both of you. She's missing her family? Is it "really" that or is that she's craving a close relationship which she feels she no longer has with you and wants? Could be both or just one. Just saying.

I could recommend a bunch of books for you, but it honestly sounds like you need some real professional help. If you're at the point that it's been 1 year and no sex, you're obviously having big issues. My advice is take the first step. Find a counselor and ask her to go with you. If she won't go, don't be a dick about it. Just get up and go yourself. It will REALLY help you understand things and you'll learn a LOT about yourself and life in the process. If she goes or not, it will also send a message to her that you're serious and want to make things work.

With all that said, the truth is that YOU are probably going to have to be the one that acts like the adult and carries the load at first if it's going to work. Sounds like you can do that. If you've stuck around for a year with no sex, you SURELY have some MAJOR patience and love the girl. Doesn't mean you can or should stay married. It's just obvious given the circumstances.

In the end you must make the decision. My best advice is just be HONEST with yourself and make decisions that you will be fine living with. If you believe it's really over, then do what you gotta do to end it now with as little pain and drama as possible. If you still believe it can work, no matter who small that belief is, then try your best and put everything you have into it. If it doesn't pan out, at least you will KNOW that you did all you could. You'll have no problem sleeping and will be able to move on and find a better relationship. And if it does work out, then you'll definitely be happy that you sucked it up and did that work.

Marriage is tough bro. I've been "there" for 20+ years now. I've been on the brink of divorce a few times. And I've been there when it all comes back together and you feel awesome. It is what it is. Take it day by day and roll with the punches. Wish you all the best, and if you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM anytime. Take care.

She is most likely in the sack with someone else. A year is too long to wait.

Over a year without sex, relationship is probably dead. She might be cheating as well.

run, run like hell

If she misses her family why not send her on a solo vacation to see her family for a month or so ? After a month apart you both should figure out what you want.

Otherwise i'd say go for the divorce (as long as it's not going to cost you)

doesn't seem like you're doing anything to make it work

if you love her, do something, make changes & make it work

if not, get divorced. It's only a matter of time and you'll both be better off in the long run

Ty Bounce said:

If she misses her family why not send her on a solo vacation to see her family for a month or so ? After a month apart you both should figure out what you want.

Otherwise i'd say go for the divorce (as long as it's not going to cost you)

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bad move,,, the Minute she lands, she will be SPREADING it for an ex boyfriend,,, then shell be laughing about him buying her a ticket to home,,, as some other dude is working out her vag,,,

You need to do this shit togethar, or end it,, keeping that flame lit is tricky,,
tater